Thursday, December 29, 2016

Warning Signs - Alarm Bells

I believe that women play more relationship games than men ever do. I admire the male boldness and ferocity in which they declare what they want and then go selfishly after it. It is not immoral, and they usually end up getting what they want. Women think they need to be cunning, foxy, bitchy, or try some tricks… then we complain about the shitty responses we get from the Universe after sending out all those mixed messages!
I love the male bold, emotion-free, honest way for self-gratification.

Yesterday I spoke with one of my best male friends from the UK. He reminded me that the majority of men would sleep with anyone - even if they particularly don’t enjoy the girl's company, or they detest her. Well, that was so refreshing to hear! (btw. we don't have to enjoy your company either)
And I would add, from my own observation, that men could even LOVE YOU, and still sleep with someone else NOT knowing you wouldn’t be overjoyed about that. Unless there's an effective communication, there's nothing.
Conclusion - most men are harmless in their cluelessness.

I had the pleasure to experience how light and self-esteem building it felt to leave a brief relationship/arrangement/casual dating thing where we both had been honest right from the start and had a good communication together. 
We announced at the very beginning that we lusted just after sex and fun and then we played by the rules. But I hate rules. If I fell for him and demanded emotions and a romance, I would break the premise, and a frustration would occur. I feel ready for a relationship and I need to have that option open. I respect that he doesn’t feel the same way though. Honesty was key in this arrangement.

Just sleeping together with no string attached, or sleeping around is permissible and enjoyable if both parties know where they stand.
But what is a person to do when there is no honest “announcement” at the beginning of a relationship/arrangement/casual dating thing? Is your partner in crime unwilling to come clear about the intentions for the future?
If you're a romantic soul, then you ought to watch out for some telling signs. There are many women and men out there who are experts at fooling around. Unfortunately, they can match themselves up with naive romantics who have no idea about their “fuck them, then leave them” agendas!
The alarm bells are always there and early enough.
From a female perspective, I remember that men always leave clues behind about what they’re up to. 

I will help you here, all those players are recognizable! Believe me, I used to be one of the them. 
The traits I am not proud of, which would most likely tell thousand words to an observable eye, were:
Always a drink in my hand, a night owl who loved to party, flirting but avoidant (mysterious), not texting or calling for days, unreliable, always late, unreconciled with parents, lying about my occupation, and constantly watching around for something (someone) better. I would sleep with you if you were handsome enough, but I would also break your heart by not being really interested in you. Would any nice guy want to date such a girl? Well, they clearly didn’t. I was actually scared of nice guys. So I went for the players myself…. and then boom! I wanted something more - like a relationship, yet I didn’t say so. I kept suffering in silence, knowing that he was still out there “playing”. Maybe a denial, or maybe a fear of abandonment kept me in a haze and hoping that the statue would turn real (Rori Raye's concept for an emotionally unavailable guy, who's just not stepping up).

What are the alarm bells, the hints and clues from emotionally unavailable people, players, and just all those NOT fitted for loving and trustworthy relationships, which warns you that the future is just not going to be bright enough to make you happy??
(These were all tried and tested on my skin in the past, but I heard that some women act the same…😳)

Extreme and obvious alarms:
  • not (actively) seeking you out - no texts, no calls, no planning dates with you
  • not replying to your texts in a timely fashion
  • sleeping with other people (if that bothers you, but you tend to tolerate it or deny it)
  • only want to see you late at nights
  • not introducing you to closest friends let alone family
  • addiction issues (alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, sex)
Mild alarms:
  • met online (this one is tricky. Tends to be either/or)
  • unreconciled with parents
  • no sense of humor, but laughing at you - your quirks&weaknesses
  • no public display of affection
  • unaffectionate behavior in private
  • thinking he/she is better than other people
Sneaky and subtle alarms (the most deadly ones!):
  • featuring in many rumors
  • momma’s boy/ daddy’s girl
  • family discords
  • many friends of the opposite sex
  • rarely any friends of the same sex; no "old-time" friends
  • sexting with other people (that’s only if you get to snatch his/her phone and invade their privacy)
  • dozens of pictures of other (real) women/men on their phone (ibid)
  • stories not adding up
  • plain lying to your face (even when you already know EVERYTHING)
  • Prada Shows and apologizing
  • history of cheating
  • recent affair (just that one time…)
  • no self-control or will regarding food, drinks, drugs or fitness
  • asking you what to do about stuff that is based on a personal preference which they should either declare and OWN, or change it.
  • always afraid he/she made the wrong decision
  • temper tantrums with others (hopefully not you)
  • giving you too much of a freedom (because they don’t want to commit)
  • hungry, vigorous style of love-making & you feeling like you can’t get enough of him/her actually equals unsatisfying sex on a very deep spiritual level. Perhaps you thought up until now that your lover was the best precisely for his ready, steady, fuck skills, but is that all you seek, really? If the sex was what you needed, your bodies, minds and spirits could find reunion during just one real cosmic encounter - which doesn’t happen every day. Hungry is good.. but not always. It keeps you from accessing your deeper self. Sex won't heal you, love will.

The above mentioned traits are toxic and they will pollute you if you stick around.

(Never coming back to my ex that's for sure! :-))

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