Sunday, December 11, 2016

Can 'love of solitude' work in a relationship?

A very frank conversation helped me discover:
Some people are not worth your pondering about them, especially if they make you feel like time is being wasted, and the whole experience feels like sitting on nails - painful
Usually, these people tend to be pathetically needy, never happy when alone, feel rarely understood when with someone, and have a very pronounced ego. 
Run if you can!
(*This is not really about my ex. He was still alright, but on the borderline)

On the other hand, some people are so extraordinary, I feel they are absolutely worth my every thought. They have stimulated my creativity and set me up further on my journey of personal development and towards becoming a better and prouder woman (besides other things).
See posts about R.

I'd still like to ask - is spending time with the first group of unmentionables somewhat essential for becoming a more compassionate human being?
I had not seen it first, but soon it downed on me that yes, very much so [unfortunately].

Back to the second group of extraordinary individuals. 
About one month ago I met this gentlemen while working on a photographic project. I mentioned him in There are deep-feeling men out there. post.
Modelling for him had me traveling down the coast about every week. 

Tom strikes me as someone complete. A confident man who is way too comfortable on his own, never been married, has no kids, and is very close to his family.
I can see why the solitary life up in the woods has been working for him and I can also see why it wouldn't have hadn't he been busy with his art - painting, photography, plenty of sport activities, animals to take care of, and regular catch-ups with couple of like-minded friends.

How does a freedom&solitude-loving man get along with a freedom&solitude-loving woman ? 
I don't know - we are just being ourselves, and it is working while together!
A tender, respectful friendship has developed between us.
I've never had the feeling that I needed to entertain him, be his counsellor, or validate him in any other way.

I slept over last night for the first time. All by myself, just as he promised.
I had been asked once before to stay overnight to save me going back in the late evening- but I threw a crying temper-tantrum!
To my own surprise, I put him into the same garbage bin that I had already started putting all photographers into. 
You see, not all my experiences were good, nor professional.
The last one affected me more that I had admitted to myself and Tom bore the consequences.
Few months ago during a different modeling project in a remote area, my overnight presence, slight tipsiness and the vibe of sensuality were about to be taken advantage of. The photographer, slightly egoistic, opinionated, matcho-man might not meant wrong (haha), yet I couldn't help thinking what a sneaky pre-calculated move he made. It was all too much.
For sure, alcohol and 'massages' don't belong to modelling, and when I agreed, I must have given him the feeling he had a 'green light'. Naive me. I didn't allow more than what I was comfortable with, so as soon as I sensed something uncool, I resolutely called it off.
The next day he seemed awkward, so being a concerned and sensitive people pleaser I thought I better make a light-hearted event of it by acting casual.
If it only didn't get imprinted on the back of my mind as a small trauma. In fact, I felt small, and the incident felt sick and unfair for some time to come.

T. had managed to convince me he was different, and since it was his birthday coming up, I eventually agreed.

I had a great time during last night's dinner, and even better time while driving T's car up to his place in the woods with my L-plates sticked on the windows! I was sober, of course.
My first 'lesson' at night. Wobbly, slightly dangerous but so hilarious. I was laughing so hard, I was crying behind the wheel.
We eventually made it home safe and sound.

I had all the downstairs unit all for myself, and no, he didn't come to visit me to offer a massage to spoil the friendship we've established..

A beautiful morning, food and more lessons followed. Now I am on the train on my way back to Brisbane and I know I'll have to make few changes in my behavior (again).

Not all older and single men out there are the same, not all professions make the same people, and not everyone wants to take advantage of you to feel 'better' about him(her)self.
But some do...

I won't lose any more of my precious time with energy vampires or needy people. That time could be spend on my own in my private little sanctuary. I would recharge, recover, maybe even spend the solitude in some prolific way instead.
Unlike needy people who are afraid to be alone, I tend to feel an unusual bliss and have a blast on my own!

Will I wear that up my sleeve 20 years from now? I can't tell.

What is the deal with T.? Is he just too 'moody' to last in a relationship? I don't know.
Can a man and a woman be friends?
He is not married, not taken, not needy, but surely there must be some catch-22.... Haha, yes I guess there is. 
But I'll write about it some other time if I'll find it necessary.

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