Friday, December 2, 2016

I Am Ready For Love

It is time to treat what happened between Him and I just as an event in my very eventful life.
Another heartbreak that had happened before I knew how to give the real me, all of me, and RECEIVE unconditional love in return.

Thank you, Ralf. You have assisted with my healing in subtle but profound ways.

I find it quite ironic that in 2015, I fell in love with an Australian while I still lived in the Czech Republic, and now, when I'm already here in Australia, I must fall for a non-Australian! 
Hush.... love has many forms :)
Words won't do justice to what I'm feeling (partially because I've slept just 4 hours?)
In spite of sleeping just 4 hours and the brain is already telling me to take a break, I have to write a few scattered lines. 

Imagine, some things could be only short-lived and yet more beneficial to healing old wounds than if they were ongoing. You'd either stop appreciating them, or you couldn't sustain staying forever 'high'. You'd end up in an emergency room sooner than later, or a mental ward. So, short-lived support can equal long-term rewards. You just have to find the beauty in it.
Someone might cross your path for a moment, and you know that your perspective on certain things will never be the same. 

Yesterday was Ralf's last night. 
It was...ahhh, sweet. 
Intercourse? No. Other loving things? Yes. 
I didn't tell him that before having met him on Tuesday, I had been repeating the mantra "I am ready for love" on the night I walked barefoot all over Brisbane, and I really felt it then.
He was a sign that indeed, I was. Important - Even though Ralf is not the man I will be with, he still gave me exactly what I had wished for, and hopefully, I showed him the real me, who could have been just what he wanted for those couple of days, too.

This might not be the kind of fairytale I made it sound like at first! However, It is a heartwarming tale set in a real world where oceans divide people apart from many, many other things ( Think religion, racism, social agreements, finances... F*! How much that really sucks!?)
Anyway...Back to us.

I liked his intelligence. The unusual combo of an educated man with deeply felt emotions he could also talk about, and the skill to read a woman in between the lines - come on, how many guys like that do you encounter on a daily basis? On a weekly one? Maybe yearly?

There are conditions and circumstances that are out of his and my control. And that's ok. Ongoing work obligations and relationships which need sustaining. Perhaps not, but that is another debate.

I am grateful I have opened up to Ralf and shared my story. In exchange, I got to admire what I never could when I had lived with Him. And that is not a little thing for me.

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