Sunday, December 25, 2016

To care, or not to care

Some time ago I read a short excerpt from "The Capacity To Care" by Wendy Holloway. It has left me with many questions. My story won't be about her entire research, since I have not read the whole thing (but I should).

I wonder why women, not having any innate capacity to care for others according to Holloway, still manage to care too much. 
Clearly, humans can grow into carers as it has been passed down to us from our ancestors and we continue setting this example. Where do men and women get ideas about the ways we all should roll? Who should care more or less, and where?

Most females get programmed early enough to care for any being who enters their lives.
And before becoming mothers (optional) I see that we transmit that learned ability into other territories, likely and unlikely places for relationships. Some are fitting, and some are rather quite dangerous to be involved in and cared for. Like the "casual sex" - "friends with benefits" territory. Isn't that where the capacity to NOT care would be far more favorable?

My female friends agree that we, women, can fall for anyone (anytime). Not only when the infatuation gets triggered by someone's looks, their social status, or the ways they treat us. I believe that we fall in love because we find it nearly obligatory for our "roles" to fulfill their purpose. Society conditions us to it, but we also do it for the sake of love. Then we get it all mixed up along the process.

People appear in our lives, no matter for how long or how short, we get used to their presence and then we feed them the idea they can't live without us (perhaps typical for motherhood?), or we DON'T get enough of their presence and wistfully spend our days waiting for the idealised version of it (yes, the version we create in our heads which has nothing to do with what has happened in reality)

We start to care, and that's when we fall in love. Or vice versa?

I feel that putting myself out there again gives me the right for trial&error, and hi&miss first steps. I am making 'mistakes' to establish what it is that I want and need. But there is a finish line. Some day soon I want to see I did it right and hit my target!

Regarding Adam, it is in my best interest to not see him again. We both want different things. I must stop it now at its very beginning.

Cut it at its roots till I can.

I would soon fall in love and demanded a real romance, and he is not up for it. Period. I would be frustrated as hell!

I am still sober enough to asses the situation as it occurs in reality (not in my head up in the clouds). It's a sex thing. Nothing more.

If I continued, he would inevitably hurt me to wake me up - Girl, when did you stop going after what you want and deserve?

Didn't I have enough of wake up calls in my life? :)
It's not about A., it's about me.

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