Not sure what I'm doing, but I'm doing

Alright, just a quick check-in because I have so much to do, so much content to create for my book - and I need an editor.
Judging by all the recent synchronicities, I am sure I will find one.

I am very proud of my website: pavlinalioness.com 

the "Why should we heal" tab and "About Me"

I've been thinking about the right niche, offer and message for a couple of months. I think it is finally coming together!

I am in Bris and won’t leave until I make a million.
Well, at least all the money for the rest of my tuition. A lot.
My beloved Byron will hopefully still be there.

My friend Kristine, a business coach, got me to start recording myself on my phone as she suggested I should do a podcast!

I am surprised… surprised that I sound awful, but I loved it! Not gonna publish my first couple of recordings, but I came to love my voice, my craziness, and this occasional wit coming out of nowhere. Who knows what will come out of this!

My sore throat prevents me from speaking too long though, and my dry cough is not very sexy.

I know that this flu caught up with me to remind me of what not to do again. The month of July was so unhealthy. A pure over-indulgence in everything (not sex, I can tell you that)

Too much alcohol, sweets, unreasonable portions, worries, negative thoughts, and all the fuckin’ travel. Moving, moving and moving places. No structure regarding workouts and many late nights with little sleep. Never again.

I can totally see why I crashed. Funny, exactly at the same time as the last year. True, the season’s changing but I wasn’t sick my first 2 Australian winters - I put it down to a great diet, self-care, exercise regime and - LOVE. The first time it was love for someone else, the second time an emerging love for Brisbane and embracing something new…

Now I’ve got neither.

However, I'm springing up big time! Nearly all August I didn’t drink (except for one occasion), I ate well and I began to hit the gym classes like a new fitness enthusiast. The trick is in the constant wonder - fresh eyes on the same old things.

Now that I amped up on Vitamin C, garlic, fermented cabbage and broths, my skin is glowing and I think I’m more toned and stronger. (Despite two days of doing nothing but sweating in the bed and coughing)

Celibacy is still the best thing I’ve ever tried. Not only it is a great physical, mental and emotional detox ( Truly, not even spirulina helped me this much), but also a great Tantric preparation for something I’ve never had - a man who could be the man for the woman that I am. I will keep going till someone I frickin’ LOVE and TRUST will want to take it to the next level with me.

I don’t need to sleep with friends because… I am not in love with them and don’t think about them in romantic ways.
I still don’t understand how could that even cross my mind!? I guess it was at the heat of the moment and then I overthought it. Would I’ve done it if we met the next day, as opposed to rescheduling it for weeks later?
Well, I can safely say that it’s never gonna happen.

My vagina is a divine sanctuary for someone who’ll stay…
Not in an attached, possessive way, but in a mind-blowing, loving way filled with pure intentions.
Here you go, this is it - I’m finally spilling the beans about why I do this celibacy thing.
But you all knew it.

Ayahuasca and Crown Chakra

My 221st post and blog's 2nd birthday very soon!
It's been 2,5 years since the legendary break-up, however, it has not served as the theme of this blog for over a year or so... (well, occasionally, maybe.)

I have so much to write. The Crown Chakra dance the previous Sunday was an absolutely delicious culmination of the past 7 weeks of spiritual growth. Dancing all the chakras at once produced sensual, grounding and enlightening effects in the end. 

I still carried some heartache around my chest and broke into a few bouts of tears - hold and behold, those heartaches were not just mine. 
Come on, I only had like, two relationships! 
Those were the disappointments, betrayals and grief of my parents, their parents, the heartbreaks of my friends, their friends and everything in between. I cried for the broken heart of the Earth.
I moved through the sadness, felt strong and welcomed the release.

Upon returning to Byron, a preparation for an upcoming Ayahuasca ceremony began. I finally felt 'pure' enough. I had been anticipating that experience for 5 years before!
About 6 months ago, I started putting it out there to the Universe that I was finally ready. Then I moved into a house in Byron Bay with a Peruvian Shaman next door. I knew that the girl would be the one to test the medicinal plant with....

Long story short, my Friday's experience was very gentle and loving. My body recognized the powerful liquid. I instantly knew that I had drunk it in my previous life.
The plant brought back some ancient memories, which I only fully integrated the next day.
Everything indicated to where my true roots lied. 
Why do I feel the safest only when I have one foot out the door and a half-packed suitcase ready at all times? 
Quite possibly, I used to be hunted and prosecuted and til this present day, I feel I need to be 'on the run' to survive. 
I feel the safest when I'm on the road, traveling, or I'm super close to nature.

Standing, fully supported by the tree behind my back in a secluded area near Suffolk Park on Saturday afternoon, soaking up the sun rays, I remembered my first self-made forest healing ceremony when I couldn't have been older than 10 (probably 8), then celebrating once mum came home with the good news that her boss's daughter got better; recalling all the books I read about Wicca, paganism, druids... later getting a tattoo of Celtic runes on my spine.... experiencing dreams about sheep sacrifice...
I broke into tears once again. I had to apologize to nature, to spirits, to the trees, to the earth which I so wanted to make love with, for all those times that I ever felt unsafe. In this life, I might seem lost, but I am never not safe when I have the earth beneath my feet, no matter how far away.
Ayahuasca also gave me the title of my book... it didn't make sense then but it does now.

I'm changing the direction of my sexuality a little. I've been making love to heavens and God in the last how-many years... now I am going to make love to the earth, to the leaves, the roots of the trees, and birds in the crowns.

Many people report feeling very sexual after Ayahuasca or having great sex straight after ceremonies. (even though some shamans are highly against it)
I could definitely see why!
I could make love right there and then with the whole forest!
I hope I don't sound creepy, or perverted... I wouldn't do it with a tree... just on an energetic level. I was definitely ready to juice up and explode.

It is not all love and light being a witch...
I've cast a few nasty spells in my current life too. I want to, and had to, take those back. There is a fine line between good and bad, and although I could totally make for a great evil witch, I could also do a lot of good by focusing on my loving and compassionate side. No kidding, some people were subjected to my curse (my mum, my ex to name a couple) and bad stuff happened to them shortly after I'd sent the harmful intention. I am sorry.
I want to do good.

Apparently, the shaman herself was processing my darkness for me. We all purged, except one guy.
I was wearing dreamcatcher earrings and crystals - could they save me from the demons of the past?
I am ready to come bare next time.
My witchy past is interesting... I'd love to know more.
I recommend Ayahuasca to all those who feel ready to experience the depth of their identity.



#Ayahuasca
#Kundalini

Deep emotional healing (6th chakra)

Pretty interesting week integrating the 'third eye' chakra (positioned behind the forehead).

I experienced all the feared signs of underactive and overactive third eye. Massive self-doubt, delusions, vivid dreams, identity crisis and nausea... My head never felt so heavy! 

Funnily enough, on Tuesday I fell onto the bed at 9pm after I got drunk on three glasses of wine (red, white and rose), and woke up the next day at 6am very fresh and refreshed- no joke!

All the madness appeared to stop...

It stopped when I made the decision that I would focus on my own healing first, and put my energy clearing and trauma healing work of others on hold. I am not yet equipped to separate myself from the crap of others that we dig out and then throw away during sessions... Because I take it on, think about it, devise solutions all night for it and can't sleep well. Oops, I did it again, yesterday. ..

My healing and psychic abilities are deepening one way or the other.

After a small but effective healing on this girl last night, I managed to sleep for only 3 hours (from about 12 till 3am). 

However, I woke up inspired and energized. 

Ever since I got out of bed, I have been unusually productive. Could I've taken on Jess's incredible stamina of a Wonderwoman?

I fully immersed myself in my doTERRA business for hours, finalized my coaching website, communicated with my own mentor and drew my potential coaching suspects closer.

Feeling like a fatty blob though, I decided to go for a hike around noon. And hike it was! 

Whilst looking at the breathtaking views of the ocean from the top of a cliff, a thought crossed my mind: Wouldn't this be a beautiful way to die?

Having climbed many giant rocks, I felt so fatigued and became too aware of how easy it could have been to slip. So I changed my mind: "Nah, it wouldn't be a good way to go!"

Indeed, I had to pay extra attention to where my feet would land and in the end, I had to pause to recharge. That long meditative break helped me to finish off my trip safe and sound.

Watch out when around Broken Head Nature Reserve!

On the beach, I found a new meaning to the Tantric 'Ocean Breath'. 

I practiced it, quite literally, while letting the ocean water flood my feet upon the inhale, then waiting for the waters to retract on the exhale, sinking a little deeper into the sand.
Such an instant release! Everything came off of me. My shoulders dropped an inch and I shivered in relaxation and bliss. It felt about the same as receiving a tender, loving massage.

Every time I see a seagull, I am reminded of the need for my own healing and that everything is happening at the right time.

I, too, have some shit to be washed away...

On Sunday I'm off to the Gold Coast for my last series - the Crown Chakra.

I am already feeling high... (and should definitely go to bed. NOW).

P.S: I don't think that the scheduled Tantric sex with my friend is a good idea. But then again, I do think too much.

Sometimes I think big... like, that no one short of Elijah Ray should even touch me... haha!

Well, the 10th month of celibacy, here I come!

Healing, New Portals, SEX #openrelationships

Fuck! Thank God it’s my blog and I don’t care what you think about my language :)

The last few days - weeks- were unreal.
I could definitely use a bit of a structure and stability in my life.

I did lots of dancing... experienced gong sound healing - a weird thing happened, but more about that in another post.
I want to find a cute place to live near Byron Bay with an ensuite high-frequency, good vibes healing room...

I dealt with a suicidal girl yesterday. She came to me looking like a grieving widow, dark clouds surrounding her tiny presence...
What followed was not just the work of myself... I channeled my guides and her guides... the spirit spoke. I am confident about that.
The exercises we did were the culmination of all my spiritual practices - the attended workshops, the learnings from self-help books I read, the courses I completed and the dances I danced.
Plus my own life lessons learned.

Two hours later she was leaving a new woman. Standing taller, brighter, with new spark of hope in her eyes and many words of gratitude.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her for the next 5 hours...

I did all the tricks to ground, cleanse and empty my mind.. exhausted, I eventually fell asleep. But she still lingers everywhere...
Not necessarily in a bad way..
It’s just hard to stop feeling with her.

Last week I helped a grown man to stop carrying a lifetime of crap.
I hope it made a lasting difference.

My abilities as a healer and empath are deepening.
There are several aspects influencing this rapid growth.
The astronomical shifts. The eclipses, planetary positioning and new doorways opening up energetically. End of a cycle. Positive transformations have been happening the past 6 months even if it didn’t seem so. (And I assure you that it didn’t.)

We all feel that a big change is coming. If we won’t act and embrace it - we’ll burn.


MY ‘SEX LIFE’

I decided that 9 months of purifying celibacy is enough. 9 is the number of leaders and influencers...
Ok, 10 would be alright, too - amplified new beginnings and authority.
We will see!

I chose the one who may take my virginity. He’s stoked (and wants a couple of weeks to prepare!)

Two years ago we were colleagues, then I trained him into a Tantric lover over many months. Now we are friends and probably soon-to-be lovers. Deep connection on many levels.
I am changing my beliefs about what relationships should look like.
Actually, who said that we’d enter into a relationship together?

In my opinion, being free to be ourselves, having a healthy self-esteem, putting our health first in order to be able to help our partners and others - that is the primary love-relationship. If two people decide to live together and build a life together, let there be transparency, too.
We will always be attracted to other people outside of the relationship - unless, you’re good at lying to yourself.
Someone recently told me that she didn’t believe in ‘cheating’.

I know what she meant!

Women are very very expansive, playful strong creatures.
We need sex to honor our bodies and to thrive.
Honestly, I came to a point when I truly appreaciate the sex-free 9 months, but 3 more months would be a torture.
I can’t say that my life was better with or without it.
The point is not to assess “now and then” from the physical perspective - but from the spiritual.
I shifted my energy. I became to love and respect myself. I no longer seek men so I could forget about myself. I need them to receive the gift of the stable masculine energy which will hold me, even if just for a little while, in the space where it’s isolating to hold myself alone.

I am complete. I am complete when I recognize the inner man and inner woman residing inside me always, and the beautiful dance of the feminine shakti and masculine shiva when they’re uniting, and merging into wholeness of my being. When this energy shoots up my spine - whether while self-pleasuring or dancing - I feel complete.

I can do this myself.

But why would I if I was born to connect?
I am ready for an open relationship in love.

For  now - let’s get ready to dance the third eye chakra and make some magick!

Love,

Pavlina

The Heart And Receiving Love

During my Tantric sessions, I never forget to remind my clients to drop down into their hearts, stop the thinking and attune to the connection of their sex center with the womb of Gaia (Mother Earth, feminine Shakti energies).

I invite them to nourish their hearts with this all loving, all accepting energy flowing from the earth through all their seven chakras.
I want them to trust...
to open their hearts, and let love in...
I want them to receive love, so they can give love...
But - I don’t do that myself.

Once again, I had slipped into some hypocritical teaching before I had the chance to catch myself.
My heart shut somewhat. Particularly in Darwin, where I have not allowed myself to receive much of anything.

During two-hour long shamanic healing done on me, my guide Patricia gently brought to light a ridiculous truth that I had kept stashed away.

Yes, I am the most loving, generous and all-accepting friend one has ever known, yet I don’t let others in.
Never.
I am so afraid I would get hurt, rejected, betrayed or outcast, that I shut off or run. I open up to others just enough to connect, and I give a lot to cover the fact that I can’t receive.

Have you heard the term: The art of receiving?

I am not talking (just) about money.

More like: Letting love in.

For so long, I’ve lived in denial of my life-long brokenheartedness.

In the integration of solar plexus chakra (the center of personal power) and coming into the heart chakra week, I felt the best in months.
It was also the week of my birthday. So much love flew into my life from everywhere around the world. People I haven’t heard from/seen in ages and also past lovers and boyfriends sent me lovely birthday wishes. I felt loved and knew that I must have done something right to keep all these amazing friendships and relationships alive. How else could I’ve deserved so much affection?
I was housesitting my friend’s beautiful sun-lit penthouse apartment with a terrace in Milton, where I spent most mornings soaking up the sun-rays. I couldn’t have felt more blessed.
Dancing 5rhythms the day after sealed all the amazing new-found power of love and instilled a desire to engage more in my community.

What is my community?
I’m discovering that those are new-age healers, dancers, hippies, wounded humanitarians and open-minded travelers.

Yes. That is where I fit in.
I followed my heart’s whispers and moved to Byron Bay. Today.
City and money chasing don’t make me happy for I am not materialistic and I like to rebel against the mold.

How I began learning to receive:
Since the commencement of my Kundalini healing series, I’ve been exchanging massages with my girl friend, a shiatsu therapist. I give her a relaxing oil massage and she gives me her firm touch or a heat therapy with a chinese herbal pouch.
I dedicate my spare time to continuing growing and healing (e.g. shamanic transformation, dancing, sound therapy, and reading)

Moreover, this celibacy thing (only 3 months to go!) hasn’t stopped me from enjoying some male attention, too.

I received a relatively innocent steamy loving during my root chakra integration week coming into the sensual sacral chakra - which only made sense. Not only that stranger was a perfect (and hot) fit for such an integration, but I discovered what emotions I need from my next partner. I’ll never forget that guy!
Yesterday I had a dinner with such a nice man who also wanted to give a bit more to me, so I let him.
It is a big deal for me.
I know I may seem naughty and perhaps cheating a little durning my commitment to a year without an intercourse, but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I need to spice up such vow with surviving on sweetly pleasurable physicalities.
I deserve it.

How that helps:
After a long day of doing what I need in order to feel the flow of love in my life, I receive an inquiry about a Tantra session, possibly shortly.
I reply: Yes, I am available. Can meet you in 1 hour, just after 9pm.
This felt true to my heart and thus I didn’t have to push myself to fit in more work at the end of the day, arranged at the last minute.
The reason was simple: My battery was fully charged. I received that day; therefore, I was ready to give.

Why haven’t I thought of this healthy give and take before?
I wrote it here once before. Especially women should start asking :
“How much can I receive today?”

It appears that the key to attracting healthy and loving relationships (at least in my case) is not giving more, but letting in more - as in learning to receive. I used to feel unworthy of receiving, but obviously, just giving depletes me. Giving and receiving in equal measures makes me serve my purpose better.
I’m beginning to feel deserving of such abundance!
I praise life as one big adventure.