Here we go again. I enjoyed watching the fireworks from my balcony in peace and quiet, sober, alone by choice and definitely not lonely. I stood wrapped up in a towel straight out of the shower. It wasn't very cold at the threshold of the room and the terrace. I wished happiness to all the people who were celebrating and those who weren't (me). I felt stoked and ready to prepare for an epic new year. Fireworks possibly served as symbols of something great passing and something excellent to come.
For the first 5 minutes, that's it.
Do we really need to be banging and cheering all night?
My thoughts turned toward annoyance, then to surrender and lastly, compassion.
I closed the balcony door and hopped into bed for an evening (well - midnight) prayer-meditation. In the end, I managed to block out the noise and drift into a blissful sleep.
I bet that not many European people woke up at 9am on January 1st all rosy cheeks with a clear mind and excited for breakfast like I did! (I prepared a healthy raw chocolate mouse the night before.)
Perfect.
2018 started off with a champagne toast, watching the fireworks on the beach with my dear Indonesian friend and classmate Michelle and a few other people outside of SkyCity in Darwin. Our new year's celebration finished with boogie in the local Wisdom bar.
Taking advantage of the school holidays, I traveled to escape Darwin's monsoons, heat and crazy people. I could never seem to escape myself nevertheless.
Adelaide, Melbourne, Perth, back to Adelaide, Sydney...
I successfully resisted temptations to have sex with my past apathetic lovers as I wanted to stick to my vow of celibacy for a year (which I made in November 2017). In February I enrolled in Marie Forleo's expensive B-school, I let go of my apartment and moved in with Lida to be her live-in nanny. I fell in love with her children. Meanwhile, I wrote two short e-books: Tantra: The path to conscious sexuality and Transitioning: The nine steps to take towards more freedom, happiness and health in your life.
I went on soul-searching journeys in the rough, wet wilderness nearby Lida's house every evening. I've seen the most breathtaking sunsets in my life from the cliffs as well as from our doorstep. I felt loved, protected, thankful and somewhat surrendered in the condition that I found myself in - dependent, grieving over the long-lost past, and transitioning - yet again. Times in Darwin couldn't be more lonely, melancholic, harsh and also strangely exhilarating at the same time. I spent many hours in meditation, walking in nature, drinking red wine, missing my family in Czech and feeling very horny and then very asexual, almost masculine. I was single, celibate, looking after kids that were not my own, having a very little income from my trade - Tantric massages and life coaching - in the small sleepy Darwin and feeling too drained to travel to other cities to work with more suitable clients. My online marketing, even with the help of B-school, looked nothing but tragic.
Still afraid of visibility, authenticity in public and steady exposure on social media? Really, Pavlina?
My SAD (seasonal affective disorder) did not help to stay 'present'.
I moved out of Lida's, still keeping a very close friendship. It was time to live my own life again and rent a sharehouse with other young and single people and a cute puppy.... yes, there came my new unexplored love for dogs. Since then, literally, I am obsessed by the thought of getting my own little pet (once I settle, of course)
My friendship with Matt, the landlord, changed from an uncomfortably tense to a tender and trustworthy connection. I could see the blessing of meeting that guy on my first visit in Darwin 1,5 months earlier. Who would have thought he'd helped me on so many occasions without wanting anything in return! I met a few predators too- Lida's brother, an Airbnb guy in Burleigh, and a couple of men in Czech (talk for later).
The weather indeed affects my mood.
Even as the depressing rainy months turned into very pleasant dry days and chilly nights, I still struggled to see myself staying in Darwin beyond my schoolwork; therefore, I began to plan my relocation back down to Queensland.
Luckily, I found some short internships on the coast.
I reached Brisbane late June. My work has picked up. I reunited with my friends, old clients, I got myself a proper website and prepared workshops as my creativity soared again.
I celebrated my 31st as my 3rd birthday in that city to the day! (This time I celebrated calmly, maturely and still looking like 22. Just. 😛)
My 28th, by the way, was also celebrated in Australia. With the one who must not be named.
I kept saying "no" to two of my Brisbane crushes.... you know who they are.
While experimenting with living in my favorite place - the spiritual town of Byron Bay, I received a call from a Gold Coast man interested in my healing. He would later become my close friend, a shelter-provider and a driving instructor.
I joined Kundalini dance series with Patricia that changed my life over again. Everything I needed was on the Gold Coast, so somewhat it made sense to leave the slightly pretentious Byron and move to the (even more so) pretentious, haha, GC - but at least the GC people know it and wear it as a badge of honor!
I liked my time there, however, I was bored frequently...
In October I left for Sydney where I woke from the dead.
My sexuality was at its peak and at 11 months and 1 day I consciously decided to end my year-long experiment. I wrote down all the benefits of celibacy in some previous posts and also documented the negatives...
I learned a lot about myself and my needs out of the bed - which I can and MUST provide for myself alone - thus, it's time to get the right man to fulfill my needs in the bed.
It's been great so far 😊
Sydney was perfect for breaking the fast and never regretting my choice(s), Bali gave me a strong energy experience and a short post-coital infatuation, Prague de-stressed me to the deepest core...
I trust you get the picture since I have been known to keep the kinkiest details to myself 😉
So yes, I am a happier woman when living active sex life.
Back to the end of October... I decided enough was of Australian adventures, no need to extend my visa, bought my plane tickets to Bali and to Germany to assist Amma, the spiritual guru, on her tour nearby my best friend's house. Bali stay was short but oh so magical... I know I must go there more often.
I spent a beautiful week with nearly no jet-lag with O. and her husband in a small German town. There, I also managed to get my first paid client for long-term virtual coaching sessions!!!!
Then I set on my final journey to reunite with my dear family in the Czech Republic after 2,5 years of absence.
Little did I know that my mind prepared a little surprise for me.
A mysterious sickness overwhelmed me (wait for it).
After 5 days of persistent high fevers and a worsening rash, my sister sent me off to the GP. Discovering an infection, they rushed me to a hospital.
The doctor announced they'd keep me there.
I got x-rays, ultrasounds etc. Numerous blood tests declined malaria, typhus and other diseases until one test revealed antibodies for Rickettsia. Apparently from a tick or a flea bite.
Really?
The third try of antibiotics helped. After 7 days (of which 2 were finally fever-less) I was released.
To my own surprise, I spent nearly a month very depressed. Despite always inclining towards the bright side, at one point I felt nearly suicidal.
Sometimes I still wonder what could have caused that imbalance, my overly negative attitude.
Some lack of the right brain nutrients?
Because I had no energy to practice regular exercise?
Perhaps the dark clouds over the freakishly cold Prague?
Or it was my amazing, irritable and judgmental sister imposing all-accepting Christianity on me?
Maybe the fact that I had no future plans...
Maybe. I took my wellbeing into my own hands. No more antibiotics or vaccination urges, please! I started taking lots of quality vitamins, Omega 3 and Colostrum, I listened to positive audiobooks, slept, regained strength, moved more, started to enjoy real food, began working again and by now I feel ecstatic.
Taking advantage of the school holidays, I traveled to escape Darwin's monsoons, heat and crazy people. I could never seem to escape myself nevertheless.
Adelaide, Melbourne, Perth, back to Adelaide, Sydney...
I successfully resisted temptations to have sex with my past apathetic lovers as I wanted to stick to my vow of celibacy for a year (which I made in November 2017). In February I enrolled in Marie Forleo's expensive B-school, I let go of my apartment and moved in with Lida to be her live-in nanny. I fell in love with her children. Meanwhile, I wrote two short e-books: Tantra: The path to conscious sexuality and Transitioning: The nine steps to take towards more freedom, happiness and health in your life.
I went on soul-searching journeys in the rough, wet wilderness nearby Lida's house every evening. I've seen the most breathtaking sunsets in my life from the cliffs as well as from our doorstep. I felt loved, protected, thankful and somewhat surrendered in the condition that I found myself in - dependent, grieving over the long-lost past, and transitioning - yet again. Times in Darwin couldn't be more lonely, melancholic, harsh and also strangely exhilarating at the same time. I spent many hours in meditation, walking in nature, drinking red wine, missing my family in Czech and feeling very horny and then very asexual, almost masculine. I was single, celibate, looking after kids that were not my own, having a very little income from my trade - Tantric massages and life coaching - in the small sleepy Darwin and feeling too drained to travel to other cities to work with more suitable clients. My online marketing, even with the help of B-school, looked nothing but tragic.
Still afraid of visibility, authenticity in public and steady exposure on social media? Really, Pavlina?
My SAD (seasonal affective disorder) did not help to stay 'present'.
I moved out of Lida's, still keeping a very close friendship. It was time to live my own life again and rent a sharehouse with other young and single people and a cute puppy.... yes, there came my new unexplored love for dogs. Since then, literally, I am obsessed by the thought of getting my own little pet (once I settle, of course)
My friendship with Matt, the landlord, changed from an uncomfortably tense to a tender and trustworthy connection. I could see the blessing of meeting that guy on my first visit in Darwin 1,5 months earlier. Who would have thought he'd helped me on so many occasions without wanting anything in return! I met a few predators too- Lida's brother, an Airbnb guy in Burleigh, and a couple of men in Czech (talk for later).
The weather indeed affects my mood.
Even as the depressing rainy months turned into very pleasant dry days and chilly nights, I still struggled to see myself staying in Darwin beyond my schoolwork; therefore, I began to plan my relocation back down to Queensland.
Luckily, I found some short internships on the coast.
I reached Brisbane late June. My work has picked up. I reunited with my friends, old clients, I got myself a proper website and prepared workshops as my creativity soared again.
I celebrated my 31st as my 3rd birthday in that city to the day! (This time I celebrated calmly, maturely and still looking like 22. Just. 😛)
My 28th, by the way, was also celebrated in Australia. With the one who must not be named.
I kept saying "no" to two of my Brisbane crushes.... you know who they are.
While experimenting with living in my favorite place - the spiritual town of Byron Bay, I received a call from a Gold Coast man interested in my healing. He would later become my close friend, a shelter-provider and a driving instructor.
I joined Kundalini dance series with Patricia that changed my life over again. Everything I needed was on the Gold Coast, so somewhat it made sense to leave the slightly pretentious Byron and move to the (even more so) pretentious, haha, GC - but at least the GC people know it and wear it as a badge of honor!
I liked my time there, however, I was bored frequently...
In October I left for Sydney where I woke from the dead.
My sexuality was at its peak and at 11 months and 1 day I consciously decided to end my year-long experiment. I wrote down all the benefits of celibacy in some previous posts and also documented the negatives...
I learned a lot about myself and my needs out of the bed - which I can and MUST provide for myself alone - thus, it's time to get the right man to fulfill my needs in the bed.
It's been great so far 😊
Sydney was perfect for breaking the fast and never regretting my choice(s), Bali gave me a strong energy experience and a short post-coital infatuation, Prague de-stressed me to the deepest core...
I trust you get the picture since I have been known to keep the kinkiest details to myself 😉
So yes, I am a happier woman when living active sex life.
Back to the end of October... I decided enough was of Australian adventures, no need to extend my visa, bought my plane tickets to Bali and to Germany to assist Amma, the spiritual guru, on her tour nearby my best friend's house. Bali stay was short but oh so magical... I know I must go there more often.
I spent a beautiful week with nearly no jet-lag with O. and her husband in a small German town. There, I also managed to get my first paid client for long-term virtual coaching sessions!!!!
Then I set on my final journey to reunite with my dear family in the Czech Republic after 2,5 years of absence.
Little did I know that my mind prepared a little surprise for me.
A mysterious sickness overwhelmed me (wait for it).
After 5 days of persistent high fevers and a worsening rash, my sister sent me off to the GP. Discovering an infection, they rushed me to a hospital.
The doctor announced they'd keep me there.
I got x-rays, ultrasounds etc. Numerous blood tests declined malaria, typhus and other diseases until one test revealed antibodies for Rickettsia. Apparently from a tick or a flea bite.
Really?
The third try of antibiotics helped. After 7 days (of which 2 were finally fever-less) I was released.
To my own surprise, I spent nearly a month very depressed. Despite always inclining towards the bright side, at one point I felt nearly suicidal.
Sometimes I still wonder what could have caused that imbalance, my overly negative attitude.
Some lack of the right brain nutrients?
Because I had no energy to practice regular exercise?
Perhaps the dark clouds over the freakishly cold Prague?
Or it was my amazing, irritable and judgmental sister imposing all-accepting Christianity on me?
Maybe the fact that I had no future plans...
Maybe. I took my wellbeing into my own hands. No more antibiotics or vaccination urges, please! I started taking lots of quality vitamins, Omega 3 and Colostrum, I listened to positive audiobooks, slept, regained strength, moved more, started to enjoy real food, began working again and by now I feel ecstatic.
Six weeks after the release from a hospital, Rickettsia was not confirmed. The antibodies remained low.
The doctor closed the case.
A mysterious disease upon returning to my homeland, how frickin' awesome is that?? I'm serious.
I played a part in an annual Prague's 'fare', met many familiar faces, and thus revisited the past in which I used to travel for those activities across all Europe and mingled with competitive greedy people. Good for the old me, but I will not do that again.
I celebrated Christmas with my family for the third time in 13 years...
I feel a deep appreciation for my mum.
I love my dad's natural comedian talent.
I adore my younger cousins.
I made nice and fun new friends (some of them are very good-looking).
A calm New Year's Eve was all I needed.
I'm psyched up for a year-long Course in Miracles (starting today: 1.1.2019), TEFL certification in spring, Asian travels in between, finding more female clients and building case studies with women in the second half of 2019.
This year will be about strengthening my femininity, vouching for all women, being a proud healer, sexual being and a powerful mentor who delivers transformation to those who come to me.
I am ready to 'settle' in 2020 and fully integrate my abilities to serve as a master teacher.
Oh, and then I get a puppy.
Gosh, I just planned something long-term! First time for everything 🙊
Much love in 2019,
Pavlina
