The most important lesson from my breakup was a karmic lesson in jealousy. Of course, lessons in self-love and self-worth underlined all that.
Jealousy must have run in my family before I even knew what ‘jealousy’ was. I could have picked it up from my mum, religion, or well, who knows where and how.
When I learned that I was temporarily exchanged, I had no tools to view what He did from a detached, loving, or understanding perspective. I didn’t know how to act all cool about it.
So I jumped out of my skin.
It could be very easy to regret my past reactions today for I am a completely new person to the one 18 months ago. But I had to learn the painful way to get to where I am at now.
Jealousy was never ‘mine’ (I am an Earth Angel. We don’t get jealous, otherwise we would be hypocrites.) That is exactly what I was - a hypocrite!
If we, humans, truly love who we are - all the light and all the dark, there is no way that we would get stuck on jealousy, comparing ourselves to others, feeling worthless or blaming everybody. When I love myself unconditionally, I love others unconditionally. No matter what others do, be it hurtful or dysfunctional, I now see beneath the masks, beneath their defense mechanisms, their fears and their survival means. I have only love and empathy. Additionally, if I love someone, I wish them only joy - be it with me, or with someone else.
I love my ex as the human being he is, but we cannot be together for He is still fast asleep. I wonder if He can ever forgive me though - can he forgive my past contempt and my own lies?
I can only hope.
Thank you, my dear, for giving me that final lesson. My family karma is complete.