I've had a few nightmares in this past year and half. Nearly all of them - except one, featured my ex as the main protagonist.
Isn't it strange that he still finds a way into my dream? I wake up in sheer terror with my heart beating fast.
Last night I woke up three times. He featured in the latter two nightmares, where my mind produced fucked up scenarios of him doing weird stuff... (coming into my room unannounced, looking like a Joker with a whiskey in his hand and murderous twinkle in his blue eye; or drinking lots of tap water and chanting: I can't stop, I can't stop...)
Why does my unconscious keep sending me these images and rehashing any negativity I used to associate with him?
My head is busy appreciating Darwin's wilderness, stressing about extending my Australian visa, fantasizing about sex with J, arranging Tantra appointments, wanting to write a book, or thinking about how to stop snacking on sweets... No sign of Him whatsoever.
Maybe I shouldn't have sent him the live video of me from the Mindil beach sunset markets??? It was.. well, a bit in vain. I'm looking my best and free self there!
Let me tell you, the mind is a mischief.
I feel the most authentic, nomadic, connecting, empowering, happy and free ME these days, and I'd like to bottle up this feeling and proudly carry it with me from day to day.