Tuesday, December 20, 2016

How to forgive anything with gratitude I.

In the book A Course In Miracles forgiveness is not taught the traditional way. 

"It's not seeing that something wrong happened and then trying to fix it using apology or reconciliation. 
Apology and reconciliation are wonderful tools to use in the world, but they are distinct from ACIM's forgiveness. In the Course, forgiveness is a spiritual action given through each person's free will. It means seeing the absolute, perfect innocence of every person, including yourself, no matter what happened."
- Ana Holub

The full article that inspired me today is here.

I will describe what this spiritual absolute forgiveness is to me, and how I have applied it to my life in the last months regarding my ex, and regarding my parents, and how I just got triggered today that there is still one small area that I need to make a peace with.

I see this type of forgiveness as feeling and acting like there has never been anything to forgive in the first place.
I am not talking about denial. Denial scares the sh* out of me. Denial is dangerous for our long-term sanity and it makes us looking dumb - we're too scared to deal with the nature of our fears! I am past this defense mechanism.
Now I want to be clear about everything that is happening around me and within me.
How to feel like there is nothing to forgive?
I believe I figured how to get to that place.
If someone does something which in effect hurts you - you tackle the yucky feelings of hurt first by questioning and going deep: Why does it hurt so much? What needs of mine are not being met? What beliefs are being shattered right now? What are the conclusions this hurt compels me to make about myself and the world? 
Tackle those beliefs - they had been there PRIOR to whatever has happened now. 
Further questions can include How did I cause this situation to happen? - If you didn't, let's say someone has robbed you of your possessions or worse, took the lives of your loved ones, please look at any unforgiving thoughts you have ever had about the people who are so desperate they need to steal, or so out of touch with their hearts and feelings they need to murder to meet their needs - it is 'sick', I know, we certainly don't seek being around these damaged people - but they exist, and will exist till the combined efforts of all of us stronger and better-equipped people make a difference. How exactly, I don't know. But I know that transformation starts with a compassion. (I use this word a lot, so beware - it is not just a word). Compassion is a feeling of empathy, or understanding that unless you walk in someone else's shoes - you actually won't ever understand; It is also a type of kindness which in the end effects good deeds around as opposed to what hatred could do.

I am not saying this all comes easy.

It took me 10 months to get myself to a place where I feel there was never anything to forgive Him for. His deeds were so insignificant in the bigger scheme of living on this planet. 
Nothing bad had happened. Just a serious of events. Some tears and shattered beliefs and self-imposed prison.
Then new doors opened.
Later, a new life began.
Now I live free and I'm moving on with each step. 
I AM GRATEFUL FOR HIM BREAKING THE OLD ME - no matter whichever way he did it.


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