Monday, February 13, 2017


I have a confession to make.
I fantasized about my ex until about 11pm last night. Then I accepted my feelings and made peace with myself. 
Maybe I reminisced because I was horny (and abandoned, so my mind wandered into the past), or because we did so many good things together, or perhaps because of the fact that he was now alone.
The reason is not that important.
Moreover, ACTING upon my feelings based on melancholy is not important, nor advisable!
What matters is the present. And the present had been fine before I heard this information from Rowena.

Lessons from last night's awareness:

Honor all your feelings.
Make a special place for them in your heart.
Don't deny them, don't hide them.
Treasure them.
You can still love another, even if you don't want them back, even while being apart, even if the love is not reciprocated, even if you feel like you shouldn't, and surely if you don't need anything in return.
Love is love. It stays.

I am at peace with my life as it is. 
It may sounds freaky, but I found God during my dance ceremony 2 days ago. I forgot God had always been with me. It seems unbelievable to feel so connected. I finally feel complete. 
I don't need another person to make me feel loved, safe and mattered, other than God.
I will claim my Christianity over the coming days.

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