Hearing from Rowena (my ex’s and mine mutual friend) that He is single… made my heart skip a beat. It soon resumed in a rather excited manner, however, worrying queesiness arose in my stomach.
No… I am not running back into the past, not in my thoughts, not ever.
I am quite happy with how things are unfolding here in Brisbane, happy with my school, my fuckbuddy and all that…
Apparently he still talks about me… A lump in my throat.
Hmm, I forgot I still felt something towards my ex… so hard not to imagine us together. The memories in bed with him are still quite strong… after all, nothing compares to making love to a lover who loves you and you love them too.
Even though the love was based on illusions about one another.
A very, very sick and toxic relationship.
No intention to see him again.
I shouldn’t have asked Rowena about him, but it was my way of proving myself that I got over him, and I could boldly face anything that she would tell me. Like - he’s getting married, or his girlfriend is pregnant… but not quite that he’s single, no.
What am I going to do with this information? Simply nothing, pretend I’ve never heard, all good, back to my Brisbane world.
It's utterly crazy to imagine that a small bit of me would still like to be part of those small-town dramas!
Maybe I should dial Adam tonight?