When Adam decided to sabotage yet another dinner - an opportunity to be intimate in a different way and make the sex better as a result (I believe he couldn't see this equation) - my patience run out.
Although mad as hell, I felt strangely relieved; I knew he would call it off and propose to come just for "a coffee". I imagine he doesn't even remember that I don't drink coffee, but whatever, I knew what the code meant. I used to be available for this afternoon "coffee break", but I'd love myself a new scenery every now and then!
I had to blow off lots of steam last night, so I went out dancing with the most fun people in Brisbane. Rochelle, her husband, and her super nice colleagues.
I totally danced my anger away and my feet off. Needs to be said that I already climbed a mountain that day!
In order to heal fast, as it's been the case with EVERYTHING I had posted and made public so far, I will have to share our last conversation.
(and who knows, perhaps someone will find themselves in it!)
Just for a future reference - when you get to meet someone else for sex - you would wonder how far a simple dinner goes as a foreplay!
You might not have many experiences with women outside of the bedroom, and I am not sure if I can speak for all of them, but to me it is important to feel a little cared for even when I am in it just for the sex! Although I probably don’t enjoy your company that much either - like you don’t enjoy mine, I enjoy being physical. And that is at its best if the guy cares a bit and is available! Taking a girl out once in a while (honestly, a dinner once a month is not that much) is a nice courtesy that would make the overall experience more exciting for both.
But I knew you would sabotage it anyway.
Well, good luck finding someone who’ll keep settling for the breadcrumbs you’re willing to play with.
Now, this brief escapade is over, and shouldn't be rehashed and looked too much into anymore, yet I can't help but feeling a little sad. Knowing myself, I know how important it is to acknowledge even this tiny, subtle feeling.
This sadness is probably due to having said goodbye to something that was quite convenient (for someone who loves sex), and goodbye to someone who was good-looking and 'decent' in his ways - but clearly not enough into me.
Saying hello to something new is well overdue. Why does it still seem intimidating, and why do I keep attracting the same men in essence? Do I possess the right resources to welcome the new with?
The work will begin. It is definitely about time to find a boyfriend...
(He doesn't have to be Australian and it doesn't have to be forever - but it must be real and feel great!)
I have to sit with whatever I am feeling now for a moment, but no need to despair. A new ending will turn into a new beginning. Always.
Nonetheless, in order to make the new beginning f*ing awesome, I have to delete my past 'mistakes' from my consciousness - target the patterns and twist them! If I want to implement new beliefs is must start NOW. New beliefs and new 'feeling messages' to the Universe will lead to new choices.
Trust me, if I finally nail this, everybody will benefit! :)