Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Wine Wednesday #sexual_thoughts

My laptop went on strike. Since I can’t access the fancy schmancy spiritual post I wrote earlier today and need to edit now, this is a quick mobile post:

I had one futile date, one glass of red, one oily Thai dinner, two long car rides and a stomachache.
No, thank you.
Lida’s brother is just not it.
A couple of big red flags, and a few small flags.

Lida already did what she could to keep him from stalking me... but...
One kind message received when I feel low is what it takes to catch me on the hook.
Not sure if he knew about the drama in my house last week, but he offered me a room in his empty 4-bed house.
Not too bad... except, it won’t be just for a rent - not that cheap! I learned that he’d also want my soul and my spare time.
Way too dear and a sure way to hell. Don’t need it now and never will.

Of course, he wants to have sex with me.

No amount of “I respect if you want to keep this platonic” bullshit will cover his deeper desire and it won’t make me believe he’d settle for a friendship for a second.

During the ride to the house and back, I dreamt how I would love to be in the company of my teacher instead. That sexy image seemed  shocking, but not so shocking... (since he is smart and hot and I have a history of infatuation by professors.)

I’m going to do whatever is necessary to never need a place in his house or - I hope it’s not too cruel of me - to see him again.

At the dinner I ordered my Wednesday wine. It made me surprisingly dizzy. Could it be that all the alcohol-free days that I’m adding to my week don’t like me leaving a room for toxins?
Perhaps it’s time for a total abstinence...But what will I do when sad, angry or frustrated? 

(Meditate...! yay)

Going all or nothing [regarding sex] makes so much sense to me.
I’ve got a nose for bullshit. I am a Tantrika after all, and my skills can’t hide.

(Sometimes I feel like jumping on random men, but when I give it a little thought, it just passes.)

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