Ok, I am checking in... I am alright and I am grateful for that little breakdown to have happened. Thank you all for your support and thank you, Ralf for reaching out, sharing, and making it known that I am not alone - there are many aliens out there! :) I would still prefer to call us Earth Angels...
One reminder, I have not had sex since early November 2017 - a choice that I made for spiritual reasons...yet I might be slightly affected by the lack of the deed that I had been so accustomed to in the long past.
2017 was an interesting year for me...several affairs, a huge personal growth, but much easier than 2016 which was oh so terrible! But still - I've been transitioning big time, and sharing my feelings on this blog helped me put things in perspective and seeing my life as a blessed adventure. Things may as well never be completely peachy...but they're real - and real is what makes us. I would never trade awareness of the rawness of being a vulnerably imperfect human being in a tough place for any kind of comforting blanket...
Well, wine acts like a type of a blanket...
And sometimes we do need to RESET. Serious and thoughtful is a default (at least right now, for me), but letting that go... just forgetting the rules for a while.... easing into the rhythm of the world... relating to others.... wow, wine in moderation, once in a while, taken with a good energy behind the decision to have a drink - it can be a medicine.
If I ever start "5-bullet Fridays" like Tim Ferriss or "Take 5 with Mel" like Mel Robbins or - I'm pretty sure Marie Forleo does something similar, those would be my five:
1. The substance I gave in to after 7 days of tea-totality (the last drink was a beer at an alternative event in Sydney's commune) and after reading a nutritionist and psychiatrist Kelly Brogan's blog where she confirms that wine is not the evil:
Yalumba Organic Shiraz, South Australia 2017 (I had 2 glasses and it was not even that good.)
2. The superfood I am crazy about right now:
Hemp.
I got a hempseed butter, unhulled hempseeds, hempseed flour and protein and I sprinkle that sh*** onto everything! My brain is super-charged and my skin's glowing.
3. The inevitable truth this week:
I am a sucker for independence and freedom.
Or as R. would put it - I crave a structure and I despise it.
I love 'squat-like' houses.
My first own accommodation was a proper squat house - an old hospital in Muswell Hill in London in 2006. I lived there for 1,5 years. Super-cheap rent (run and protected by a Russian mafia), no bond, cool housemates, many bathrooms, no burglars...
12 years later, I found a completely legitimate house (which won't be demolished anytime soon), no contracts, questionable locks, half-empty but very messy rooms, lots of weird furniture just lying around and outside, a SWIMMING POOL, a gatekeeper and just one housemate - a girl!
4. The people I miss right now:
The two little devils I was looking after before finding my squat house. Last night I was dreaming about the younger one falling asleep in my arms and I am so looking forward to seeing them tomorrow!
5. The next aspiration:
Applying for a vacancy of my dreams...
Hear the drums... there I am searching for proper jobs...
And I found one.
It looks perfect!
Please, fingers crossed, this vacancy is for me. I dare to say that I qualify.. best of all, it is just across the street from me.
Will I hang myself if I won't get it?
No... I'll just sleep longer in the mornings...😴
I just realized that these mentors, this tribe of titans, never share anything that they are ashamed of or afraid of...
and I bet there is always something.
My fear:
I'll never find my partner in crime.
My shame:
Peanut butter... it just never bloody last more than a couple of days.
(Oh, and I use some bread with it lately 😟)
I'm including the newest pics of the 'post-wet-season me'. Chubby, but picking up from the ground and appreciating life for what it is.
Excuse the white face of my Darwin's awesome friend, I'm just trying to protect her privacy.
Non-native grammar makes it more your voice therefore more real... Tony
ReplyDeleteThat sounds good :) Thanks, Tony
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