I can’t be one or the other, especially not without the approval of the other.
That means - the feminine and masculine polarities within every human body should cooperate to create one happy person.
Wanting to leave an identity where I was passive in many ways in order to feel more 'independent’- was a broken-masculine decision. My inner man wanted to take charge with good intentions so the feminine could flourish in more authentic ways; however, the inner man took over completely.
Consequently, I abandoned my playful feminine spirit but went on a quest to become more feminine - how bizarre was that!
... now I’m asking my inner woman for forgiveness. I see the need for my light masculine to step forward because I can’t embody my femininity without it. This male side of mine always only wanted the best for me: To be protected, safe, have abundance, and enjoy myself... instead, I turned my back to ‘all things controlling and men-like’ and decided to rebel by putting on weight, not letting anyone get close to me, and perhaps acting like a frigid nun. So not like the playful, receiving, energetic Goddess.
My dark masculine maybe doesn’t want to socialize per se, tends to act like a grandfather or a little paranoid control-freak, but that’s ok.
My light feminine - that which likes to go out sometimes to lose herself in a dance to an old-school R'n'B, could use a help of a masculine attribute of protectiveness.
My dark feminine, on the other hand, can be way too nasty to herself, comparing, angry, overeating, overindulging, overspending and still hates all means of control… but it is getting to a place where she does see the need for emotional balance, humility and self-discipline.
I used to love reading David Deida’s books. He was the first to introduce me to the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in relationships. I feel so glad that I have the tools to stop the madness. (My madness.)
I believe that we cannot know the true meaning of a woman or a man until we experience fully all their light and dark. In the same way, we cannot know love until we know its lack.
Have a nice weekend! xxx