Farewell

I have started crossing the oceans again! Oh, where have they been...
Anyway.
Putting my swollen feet up the chilled Balinese wall feels sooo good...
One week to enjoy here before going to Europe.

I allowed myself to feel...
Sure it was emotional leaving Australia after 2 years and 4 months.

My life could not have been more symbolic in the last few months. Signs like feathers, spot-on oracle cards, words in my dream matching the words of my dear ones and strangers too.

I’ve spent fun and strange 3 weeks in Sydney where I rediscovered my sensuality. I got to see the old from a new perspective - you don’t know my past life and I didn’t go there again, but let’s just say that I’ve had dozens of opportunities, yet I stuck to my integrity. (While bending the rigid rules a little, of course.)

I know I am a potent manifestor. I always get what I set my intentions for.
Then - I don’t set very good ones.
Being a white witch,  it is time to manifest the life I’ve always wanted for myself do some real good for the world.
I love being kind and generous.
It is written in my star sign!

Back to my farewell.

My two faithful Brisbane friends Lauren and Hollis stayed with me until the very last moment at the airport. I even got a fiery, hastened hug while showing the stewardess my boarding pass.
I still don’t know how I ever managed to attract these two tigresses into my life, but H. and L. have been absolute treasures.
It’s debatable, but I do believe that we made this bond based on many, many aspects of course, but also because L. has some Polish blood in her, and H. is half Dutch. I wonder if Aussies with not much knowledge of, nor fascination by their European (or other) ancestry would know how to interact with foreigners in their land with their hearts on their sleeves... Am I just exaggerating here? Most of my native English speaking friends I had made throughout
the years had Eastern European heritage or they were of mixed race. 
Then there was a beautiful Indonesian goddess Michelle and a Swedish rebel Tania from Darwin.
I might have taken these young girls under my wings, but the joy they’ve given me was beyond words.

now we come to the mysterious man on the Gold Coast. He thought I was his angel. In reality, he was mine. Leaving Darwin for the coast again was hard as it was. Without the help of this man, I would have probably ended up in a ditch!

Was this man a manifestation that went slightly off track or exactly as it was made to??
I don’t know.
I consider myself extremely lucky for that level of trust, having met him only in June.
He phoned me just minutes after I had launched my pavlinalioness.com website. I still see it as in-your-face sign: you are on the right path to start helping where needed and this man will save your life.
Honestly.
This man is beautiful.

He is a lot older than me but we have many common interests and we did have some good laughs too.
I could never fall for him in a romantic way, but he’ll forever stay in my heart. In fact, I would do so much for him, even invite him for Czech Christmas or something like that...
Well, who knows where I’ll be then.
We had a bond. Nice friendship, deep trust, and healing..
I have not healed him, even though he thinks so. He healed me.

I dare to say that I discoved a different side to me - the side that’s ready to settle.
The side that wants to take care of another.

I am so ready to get pregnant, have a baby, become a mum - raise a child with the right man. I’m 

thinking of true love - aka Jamie Fraser from Outlander constantly ready to fight for the love of his life - the brave Sassenach, Claire. Firstly, I should become like her - determined to never leave my man behind.
Well, no one changes overnight, but it is all happening...I feel like the pieces fit the puzzle just fine. 

Last farewell, albeit a virtual one.

I came to Australia to nurture a relationship I began early in 2015... but, It couldn’t be so.

And although I felt funny while driving myself to Byron a few days ago (My watchful friend and housemate next to me) and I remembered that just a couple more hours and I would be at his farm...
I knew that was not the way in which to go (or drive).

My ex was cool in many ways. Just not in the ways that would be necessary for a long-term bond.

I’d like to let stuck people know that some relationships are great for growing in pain - if that’s what they want, but ideally, we’d like the pain to stop some day soon. Toxic co-depency is not desirable, nor sustainable.

With the next guy who’ll manage to find me, we’ll be growing in love by being together. It won’t be perfect, it will be feeling right.

In my ex’s defense, I carried a lot of crap too. Those were the times of career transition and mindset re-furbishing.
Now the major renovations are all done.
I am finished with the above.
I cannot move further if I don’t let go of the bullshit I accumulated.
It is all gone....
I won’t ever see him again, that is clear.

I wish I could say something really really advancedly spiritual, positive, encouraging, guru-like, on top of it all - but, the truth is, the past disappointment in love still gives me a hollow thug in my heart.
I am just not up for another heartbreak.
Never ever ... see him again. Sounds... too definite, but true and necessary.
I wish him happiness. Now it’s my turn.