Well, must be. Sydney was the ONE place I was afraid of. I virtually tried and tested all the other well-known towns and cities suitable for work/living in Australia, but the capital of NSW was at the bottom of the list.
It is quite the obvious place for many foreign people to go to search for a job and a place to call home. That was exactly what put me off - way too many people hustling and bustling. Obvious is not necessarily true to the heart or has to feel good. A girl gotta know herself first in order to not lose herself [in a big city].
Something has happened to me during those past weeks living and working in Sydney for the first time. It seems - quite wonderful. So I must agree with R. on this one!
Sydney reflects back to me my settled ways of carrying myself. I do not need to participate in the present busyness. I can still be a small-town girl making it in a big city in a small and rather relaxed way.
I regret those months of postponing my move down here due to fear, and all those times I have not made my visits here ‘memorable’.
Nevertheless, this is the perfect time now.
I can't stay as I must leave the country soon, but at least I’ve managed to get myself to a fine mental place beforehand. Sydney couldn't have happened earlier. Here I socialize, I dance 5rhythms as much as I can, I enjoy food as much as I can and I'm sexual as much as I can… That’s what Sydney brought out of me.
But my hastened decision to make the most out of my last days in Oz didn't go without a price to pay. Ever since booking my flights out of Australia (stopping by Bali on my way home to Europe), I began losing out on sleep.
But my hastened decision to make the most out of my last days in Oz didn't go without a price to pay. Ever since booking my flights out of Australia (stopping by Bali on my way home to Europe), I began losing out on sleep.
New environment, new job, and getting to know new people also contributed to my insomnia.
Stress is a killer they say. I think I’ve not experienced such sleeplessness since 2014. The past week I was getting as little as 3-4 hours of sleep a few nights in a row. So I left work early one Saturday to cater to some personal matters… and then I let a boy take care of the rest.
Goes without saying that I had a deep and sound sleep afterwards.
11 months and 1 day ... seemed like a good number.
Experiment over.
I listened to my body.
I wished for my mind to stop overthinking.
I wanted to release the tension stuck litteraly everywhere in my body - my neck, shoulders, belly, vagina, legs….
I had nothing to lose, nowhere to hide.
Emotions were out of the way, replaced by a sweet surrender, mutual acceptance, understanding, and adequate physical attraction. All that was a great combination to ease me back into active sex life. I wished for someone who’d take his time with me, and so he did. The focus was definitely on me.
We connected as friends first, then just for a night - the last night, we merged in a cute way. The year of abstinence possibly turned me into a lazy lover but hey, most ’first timers’ don’t live up to their potential! And surprise, surprise, I felt somewhat tired.
I didn’t wish for a fairy-tale or for him staying in Sydney longer. The encounter was perfect in its imperfection, just as it was.
Hopefully, this time around, I won’t be using sex as an entertainment to forget about myself, abandon my dreams, or somewhat validate my existence. I learned the lessons.
Taking care of mental wellbeing goes hand in hand with the physical. Sleep, meditation, exercise, reading, having my friends nearby and engaging in regular safe sex shall be my priority.
I’ll also have to keep up with the dancing, going to F45 fitness, taking the stairs, and eating right even while I'm on the road.
(Admittedly, I’ve not exercised this year very much - but as soon as I catch up on proper rest, I know I shall be my own greatest role model.)
Stability, routine & settling down- my next adventure.
Stress is a killer they say. I think I’ve not experienced such sleeplessness since 2014. The past week I was getting as little as 3-4 hours of sleep a few nights in a row. So I left work early one Saturday to cater to some personal matters… and then I let a boy take care of the rest.
Goes without saying that I had a deep and sound sleep afterwards.
11 months and 1 day ... seemed like a good number.
Experiment over.
I listened to my body.
I wished for my mind to stop overthinking.
I wanted to release the tension stuck litteraly everywhere in my body - my neck, shoulders, belly, vagina, legs….
I had nothing to lose, nowhere to hide.
Emotions were out of the way, replaced by a sweet surrender, mutual acceptance, understanding, and adequate physical attraction. All that was a great combination to ease me back into active sex life. I wished for someone who’d take his time with me, and so he did. The focus was definitely on me.
We connected as friends first, then just for a night - the last night, we merged in a cute way. The year of abstinence possibly turned me into a lazy lover but hey, most ’first timers’ don’t live up to their potential! And surprise, surprise, I felt somewhat tired.
I didn’t wish for a fairy-tale or for him staying in Sydney longer. The encounter was perfect in its imperfection, just as it was.
Hopefully, this time around, I won’t be using sex as an entertainment to forget about myself, abandon my dreams, or somewhat validate my existence. I learned the lessons.
Taking care of mental wellbeing goes hand in hand with the physical. Sleep, meditation, exercise, reading, having my friends nearby and engaging in regular safe sex shall be my priority.
I’ll also have to keep up with the dancing, going to F45 fitness, taking the stairs, and eating right even while I'm on the road.
(Admittedly, I’ve not exercised this year very much - but as soon as I catch up on proper rest, I know I shall be my own greatest role model.)
Stability, routine & settling down- my next adventure.
Chakra Alchemy Kundalini Series
I find it fascinating that although I am not officially part of the latest Kundalini dance series on the Gold Coast - I feel that I’m on board. I only hopped in for the sacral chakra governing our human sexuality, fertility and creativity. Then I went away.
Now we/they are coming into the throat week and I’m actually suffering sore throat and possibly a burning lack of self-expression. So I am changing that.
For example, they called me from work asking to cover a shift.. in fact, they pleaded. The way I used to respond to desperate people in need (blackmailing me) was rather pathetic. Not anymore. I took 10 minutes to think about my answer and to confront any arising guilt.
I called back and politely said that I already made plans for the day since I wished to get better.
And it was ok! No one was mad at me; the next day the world was still spinning and colleagues treated me as usual.
Throat chakra: integrity, assertiveness.
My sensual sacral chakra a few weeks prior threw me into the stormy waters of fluid feminine energy. I dived deep into the past to gain understanding about the inexplicably ingrained female rage at the masculine. I had no shame or guilt to release from my womb this time around, but I had a lot of anger to let go of.
It wasn’t just my rage - it was all the hurts and pains the womankind had experienced.
Women went through oppression, burning at stakes, not being allowed to study, govern a state and they were looked down upon as the weaker sex - to say the very least. Even today, outrageous catastrophes happen. It is mostly females who get sexually assaulted (for what we know, but there are many, many assaulted males too), and the perpetrators are men of all backgrounds.
Even in the 21st century, we need to deal with inequality issues and urgently educate certain parts of the world about sexuality, compassion, and the values of the expansive feminine energy.
What my powerful sacral chakra dance made me realize was - that change starts with us women. We need to be brave and trust. We need to trust that men will raise to their masculine protectiveness, God Shiva wisdom, integrity and grounding abilities.
We are getting there… slowly.
For example, they called me from work asking to cover a shift.. in fact, they pleaded. The way I used to respond to desperate people in need (blackmailing me) was rather pathetic. Not anymore. I took 10 minutes to think about my answer and to confront any arising guilt.
I called back and politely said that I already made plans for the day since I wished to get better.
And it was ok! No one was mad at me; the next day the world was still spinning and colleagues treated me as usual.
Throat chakra: integrity, assertiveness.
My sensual sacral chakra a few weeks prior threw me into the stormy waters of fluid feminine energy. I dived deep into the past to gain understanding about the inexplicably ingrained female rage at the masculine. I had no shame or guilt to release from my womb this time around, but I had a lot of anger to let go of.
It wasn’t just my rage - it was all the hurts and pains the womankind had experienced.
Women went through oppression, burning at stakes, not being allowed to study, govern a state and they were looked down upon as the weaker sex - to say the very least. Even today, outrageous catastrophes happen. It is mostly females who get sexually assaulted (for what we know, but there are many, many assaulted males too), and the perpetrators are men of all backgrounds.
Even in the 21st century, we need to deal with inequality issues and urgently educate certain parts of the world about sexuality, compassion, and the values of the expansive feminine energy.
What my powerful sacral chakra dance made me realize was - that change starts with us women. We need to be brave and trust. We need to trust that men will raise to their masculine protectiveness, God Shiva wisdom, integrity and grounding abilities.
We are getting there… slowly.
I trust.
My current affirmation:
I love my sexuality and its expressions.
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