Positive reunion #Prague

This will be a lot more optimistic post with a 'happy' photo at the end.

I’ve been trying and doing quite well these days. An unconditionally positive regard is still a big conscious effort but it's gotta be worth it, right? Sometimes I wonder if optimism will come naturally again or if Prague got me in her dark post-communistic claws and will never let me go...(?)

That brings me to a book I’m reading right now - Letting Go - The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.

Fascinating. Some if the weight on my shoulders has already dropped. It amazes me how after so many years of self-inquiry and striving for enlightenment, I still don’t cease to identify with my thoughts. These thoughts can produce very undesirable feelings and the underlying emotions work to make me sick in the background of all my overthinking. When will I learn? Maybe this book is it. There still lies some (maybe a lot of) crap to tackle, but according to Dr. Hawkins letting go of the struggle and accepting that life is suffering is basically, all the hard digging done.

Last week I wanted to figure out why I was feeling so miserable and why I could not be bubbly around my mum and my grandparents… while sobbing on the floor in the living room, I suddenly got it. All the furniture, all the photos, all the artifacts there… in the kitchen, in the hall, and in my bedroom… those were from the old apartment I grew up in. In that apartment my parents did all their fighting, I witnessed all the nightmares (except one) that child is never supposed to see or experience, where I contemplated suicide between the ages 15-17, and where I devised my escape plan. I tend to sleep extremely badly in my mum’s new apartment, and it well could be because of the lingering memories from the stuff that soaked up all the negative energies of the past. It shocks me that my mum has never gotten rid of it. Not even of the old bed she used to sleep on with her now ex-husband whom she hates so much. Very shocking for someone (energy worker) like me.

I went to every single piece of furniture from the old flat and I blew on it 3x. I don’t know where I got that gesture from, I regard it as my little made up trick, but I noticed that it helps me to ‘cleanse’. So I use it on things and spaces too.
If you’re waiting for magic, cool. Yes - it made me feel instantly better! If that’s not enough, then I don’t know what is. The furniture did not disappear, nor turned into a new one with a unicorn jumping out of the closet.

As my cousins and extended family arrived for the weekend, things took a turn for the better. 

I was overwhelmed by all the affection I felt towards my cousins. It was mixed with a little sadness too. I didn't see them much even when I lived in Czech and it appeared that I had missed a lot of their adolescence. They were so tall and all-teenage like, I could hardly keep up with their energy!
We all had so much fun together, I forgot all about myself and my mortal troubles. 

Regarding the other (older) members of my family, that weekend made me realize that despite all our differences, my family is my family, and I cannot not love them.

Back in Prague now, I am noticing how visual and creative I became since my fevers stopped and they let me out of the hospital. I actually think that I got a plan….
However, I will divulge more when I'm 100% sure that I can do it. If you know me by now, you know that whatever I put my mind into, I manage. So waaaaaaiiiiiiit for it!

Much love,

Pavlina