Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Kundalini and other shit

Last week is well worth mentioning. I was dealing with my constant dilemma of self-worth, sense of belonging, what is my ideal community and at the same time I felt deep gratitude for the friendships that I made in Brisbane, and marveled at the new tendency to create lovely friendships with younger and younger people…It feels refreshingly, beautifully awesome!

I danced 5rhythms… shyly at first, but it didn’t take too long and I slipped into my carefree wild-dancing self. I left my dancing family a year ago but it changed nothing about the fact that I still belonged there. However, to what extent can I relate to the people there? Are we a family or are we but a dancing family?

The people I dance with have their own stories, too. Sometimes they let others in, however, many times we see only glimpses when they process their shit with tears of joy or grief.

I didn’t know what happened to her, let’s call her S., but I lied down next to her on the dance floor and I sent out carefully constructed positive intentions, prayers, and perhaps even some Reiki healing energy - which would bounce off if nobody wanted it. I wanted it, and was prepared to receive it back without any hassle.

She turned away from me, perhaps sensing what I was quietly up to.

Some other people approached her later, offering tissues or asking if she was ok. She turned everyone down.

Sometime later I felt I needed to apologize and I also explained what went through my head - not appreciated. S. seemed quite defensive.

A couple of days passed and she texted me to meet her for coffee.

I have yet to find out how to translate the Czech expression “Pozvanka na koberecek” into English. Basically, it was an invite to listen to her speak about what’s right and what’s wrong (and make me wrong)…

I feared the meeting so much I dreamt about downing a shot of gin beforehand, but I came sober and prepared to listen.

This girl was nuts.

Apparently I violated her free will. Never ever I am allowed to send her positive intentions again.

She then went ahead and recalled a story where she discussed something that she desired to happen with one of her friends, only finding out the next day that it manifested. She then texted that person : “How crazy that we discussed this yesterday and it just came true!”
The person replied:
“So happy for you, I did Reiki on the issue last night, I hope it helped.”
S. went berserk. She had a go at that woman, letting her know that she wasn't ok with her never-asked-for Reiki help.

As I was sitting there, trying to have a neutral energy and non-judgment, it crossed my mind that if someone was listening to our convo, they would surely think we run away from an asylum…

I kept listening to her stories and looking into her frightened, huge, deep brown eyes. It was clear that this girl was rejecting her feminine, she did not want to receive. Anything. 
She is here to struggle all alone…
I changed my perspective.

“Yes you are right. Speak with Honor about writing new group rules on our Facebook page - We shall never approach those who are processing something after the dance is over.”

So, let’s all be individuals, dancing collectively, yet individualistically, let’s reject team efforts, not share the deeper truths, and then just go home alone and shit ourselves in fear and prayer that no one is, God forbid, praying for us or have any loving intentions towards us!

The next day I did Cacao Ceremony - I reclaimed my power as a woman ( I stopped using it along with my vow of celibacy last year) and then the week later traveled to Gold Coast to dance Kundalini, root chakra - one of 7 series.
I am still integrating that!

Some personal updates:

I am on a Keto journey, and I’m loving it! It has been about 2 weeks, cutting out all grains, all bad vegetable oils and all natural sugar - however, I did have some dark chocolate (90%) and half a kiwi today as I started experiencing the ‘Keto Flu’.

I only just read Mark Sissons's 21 day Keto reset (before going totally Keto for 6 weeks) and apparently one is not meant to drastically cut everything out right away…
So… I just popped down to the fridge and took the other half of the kiwi.
Feels like my sore legs are singing: Oh, thank you for some straight up glucose!

Yes, strangely I’ve had a lot more energy in those 2 weeks, exercising, dancing or doing yoga and walking lots every day…
Then sleeping like a baby.

I also allow myself a glass or two of red every now and then even though it is not part of the recommended Keto diet, but it is not completely against it.

I might never get to Adelaide as I didn’t pass through the final selection panel… Oh well, L’Oreal, you’re missing out!
I could try my luck and go there regardless; vacancies are everywhere, but
something else came up in Byron Bay. Hey, I better not spill out all the beans just yet, as the offer is still too fragile to speak about it as rock-solid.

However, the next few months shall be exciting.

Also, the British guy I met 3 years ago in London is coming in September and I am extra curious what is he up to…

I hope that you are well xox

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