Some of you might have read that I began to look after my friend's little girls part-time. I moved into their house to make it easier for all of us. So, in fact, I am around the kids nearly all the time! OMG.
I must have been out of my mind when making that decision - Hurray!
Change your brain, change your life; Break up with the old self, change your behavior - start producing new emotions and create new thought patterns... I might as well have children of my own one day!
Do I want to have kids? Ah, that is a topic I might get back to and divulge more details about later.
In short, I am very happy where I live now. Lida is an amazing woman and friend and her girls are little adorable devils that I love very much. In fact, I am so elated. Sometimes it feels as if I have a family again. Since I am scheduled to relocate for school and business in a month, I started entertaining second thoughts. Why did I have to start feeling as if I belonged just before going away? This house is both a homecoming and a temporary-solution for everyone involved. I can’t do no wrong. I think. I could easily stay here.
Anyway, I trust that what needs to be done will be done. No one in Darwin bothers to execute decisions swiftly.
As I'm jumping up and down on the trampoline to a classic 90's r'n'b playlist (R Kelly, Next, TLC and likes), overlooking the palm-tree tops, observing a beautiful orange hue on the horizon and the rising near-full moon, I experience a very exciting sensation that my life is finally making sense. One might describes it as living in the moment, feeling into the present conditions, noticing the surroundings as part of my being, not knowing where I end and the Universe begins.... or you might call it a focused effort on growing into a responsible adult who does anything possible to cope, be useful and loved in life and therefore, feels quite content.
I am not a ‘having-it-all-figured-out' kinda superwoman. I still have a small dose of anxiety with my morning coffee or matcha tea every day; I am a sucker for making sweet breakfast which I shouldn't, I fight snacking all day long, I plan to figure out digital marketing once and for all, should write more, feel guilty for procrastinating, think about fitting in a real exercise in the evening, and in the end settling for a glass of wine and Netflix.
Yoga Nidra meditation helps me drift off to sleep around midnight or later, despite knowing too well that I'm getting out of bed very early in the morning.
In spite of not being perfect, I just finished a little e-book/blueprint on getting out of depression, including hacks for more freedom in life - It made me so proud. I'm waiting for having it proof-read and hear opinions of those who matter. Anyone interested in getting the rough copy before I manage to put it out there? :)
Yesterday, I believed that my life made sense. I'd like to remember that sensation forever. It requires a lot of effort to act in congruence with our highest values and best vision for ourselves. But it's damn worth it.
My life is not without flaws. I’m still learning to spend less and save more, I'm behind on my school assessments and I've put on a kilo or two since snacking on 'kid's foods’ (That has got to stop, seriously).
But joy lives in this house and definitely in my room, my comfy bed and the table desk that's witnessing my new crazy projects.
Ask yourself -
If not, what can I do so my life would make sense again?
It is my wish that people stop pleasing others before they please themselves.