Sunday, February 25, 2018

To leave or not to leave #Darwin

Opening a book at a random page, the Goddess Hera gives me a message that I should reexamine my loyalties or commitments and see if those are still warranted, found in Goddesses&Gods: Embrace the power by Stacey Demarco.

Yes, indeed, my loyalty to Darwin shall be broken.
I don't fit in here (but where do I fit in anyway?)

I also ask Helios, the God of reconnecting to natural cycles of life and burning old patterns, to please not make this move about escaping my responsibilities and growing in fear instead of love. 
My patterns might be playing out right now. Although undeniably, Darwin has proved to be quite tough for a sensitive soul like me, I am aware that I tend to give up quite easily and let stress drag me down.

I would like to attract healthy cycles. I feel ready for another commitment, it just needs to feel right down to my core. Challenge me!
Any relationship full of deep intimacy would seem super-scary in the beginning. I know that I would be running away from it, even if just inside my head, but despite this reoccurring pattern, I am willing to see what lies on the other side of my fear.
I gave Darwin a chance.
The place seemed frightening at first. I heard that it was rough, even dangerous, but I went ahead and passed that perceived threat to experience on my own skin its harmlessness.
However, it all depends on what we consider 'a harm'.

There were many challenges. The daily madness on public transport, feeling the collective grief and rage of the Aborigines, putting up with the drunken smells, the heat forcing us to drip with sweat and the remoteness of the city making most of my favorite stuff unavailable up here were the obvious ones for me. 
Observing other locals going about their days as if everything was fine, and if not, it could be put under the table for no one to see or for someone else to deal with, while the evening provided a tropical relief in the form of chilled drinks, yes, that was a hard one. 
People do like to drink up here, myself included. Some even reach an oblivion every night. In that 'fun way' we numb what we feel but don't want to feel, we escape any incentives to bring about positive changes, effectively paralyze ourselves and thus shut any possible efforts to move and DO something about the underlying unhappiness.

Even if I don't give in to the temptation of a drink - I study, I work and I care - I can't help here.
I am only useful while helping those who want to be helped and are ready to receive it. 

I am off to continue my healing, so I can best serve those who are waiting for my arrival.
Darwin with its incomprehensible magic will stay in my heart.


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