Saturday, January 13, 2018


The truth is: I enjoy a glass of wine every once in a while.
Doing so - could be the part of 'I' who is not yet where she wants to be.
However, it could also be the 'I' who is at peace and eternally grateful for where she is at now.

If I relax into the feeling that life is worth living and that I am absolutely, perfectly in sync, wine enhances my contentment and I sleep like a baby. What's even better, I am driven to hit the gym the next day, actually WORKOUT, and feel like a functional human being as a result.
I am back on.
Still no peanut butter, but I did have some peanuts. Not a lot, and I do not see peanuts as my best friends anymore, but I sooo enjoyed the crunchiness.
I feel healthy and I'm still loving Adelaide and the local vibe.
I'm doing a tour in McLaren Vale tomorrow with a client of mine and an Estonian friend from Darwin. I'm excited and super-confident that wine-tasting won't be overdone and won't mess up with my detox program. I feel proud of my progress and pumped to take my self-control to new challenging heights!

Out of the blue... I re-watched a childhood movie today. I searched for the "Modern Family" on Netflix (since THE BEST tv-show ever: Brooklyn 9-9 fifth season isn't accessible yet), but "Parent's Trap" popped up instead.
My God, isn't that the best family film ever?
I cried so much; I felt touched, relieved, healed, joyful, grateful, and in love with young Lindsay Lohan.
Parent's Trap must be the nicest movie of my youth. By the way, I initially played it just so I could find the bit where they eat Oreos with peanut butter. I couldn't stop after I watched the little girls' bonding! I fell right into it. Two sisters reunited, instantly connecting, learning from one another, and plotting to get their parents back together. I turned into a weeping little mess. 

The storyline made me miss my younger sister and perhaps grieve over what my parents will never experience. It woke up a yearning for childhood innocence and the comfort of being - a child. It is hard to believe that I have once been protected by adults, looked after at all costs, and had no responsibilities. 
I questioned myself: where is home now?
And - does it matter? (See quotes from Maya Angelou and Brene Brown bellow)
I sobbed and at the same time, I felt a little more complete.
I used to long for home ... Now I know it is within, and ultimately - with God.
I have the courage to stand alone in the wilderness, and/or embrace my vulnerability and uniqueness around others.
Hello, self-acceptance.

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