The post today is about “making commitments” with regards to achieving the grandeur goals, completing our karma, and learning new life lessons - totally individualistic and changeable as we grow.
The script of my life was set very early - unstable home - tending to choose the flight response as opposed to fighting. Later, my fears became more specific: the threat of no home, the fear of rejection and non-acceptance.
So I kept running and running…hoping to escape my fears of impending demise, or finding out that I wasn't worthy of help.
Panic attacks crept up slowly and steadily and stayed for some time.
I found it so damn hard to live in one place, committing to one full-time job, staying in one relationship that was evolving into a deep intimacy, or sticking to a decision to grow in an easy and loving way.
Yes, all those can be forms of commitments. Are we ready to learn through love, or we continue learning through fear and doubt?
What do I think are my lessons, the challenges, to be embraced now at 30 years old:
- To see things through to the end.
- To stay.
- To ground.
- To make commitments.
- To create my own home and stability.
- To live my life authentically, focused on love, and not acting upon the fears in my head.
The moment I made the commitment to stay in Darwin despite hardships, I found a job. More importantly, when I signed up for a year-long membership in a ladies-gym-only, my new Australian student visa came through.
Three long months of uncertainty are over!
The question that bugs my mind is:
Can we make commitments and still feel free?
One of the best quotes ever:
“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.”
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau
I feel in chains when something’s set in stone, when there is a ceiling to how much I can make, when I need to comply with visa conditions, when I need to commit to memberships, when I see a monotonous environment for too long, when I’m threatened by penalties for taking my time, when a guy’s clearly with me just so he has regular sex but I’m headed towards dependency, when I can’t modify my circumstances due to the political and economic systems, when I need to stick with things to see results in ages to come… shit!
Ever heard of immediate gratification? Or of a room for a surprising turn of events? Perhaps just a permission to breathe in peace, and believing in miracles just around the corner. It is a funky stuff. Commitments scare the shit out of me :(
“I prefer liberty with danger than peace with slavery.”
― Jean-Jacques Rousseau
In my opinion, we need to create our own freedom in everything that we think, feel and do. That is our responsibility. This is not the age of slavery, unless we let it be so.
What are the benefits of making commitments? Why do I feel like I need to start making them?
“If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done.”
― Thomas Jefferson
Let's say that:
- A degree wouldn’t just turn up around the corner. It takes at least three years…
- Long-term memberships tend to save money over time.
- Pay-raise is not immediate - we need to demonstrate great skills and loyalty to the company.
- Relationships don’t happen overnight. They evolve in a matter of weeks, months, years…
- The commitment to a healthy lifestyle yields positive results after having adopted it for a few months at least.
Sometimes, we just have to commit to ourselves and our wellbeing, not to someone or something else.
If we commit and stay, we are likely to find something valuable that would otherwise be inaccessible while on the run.
Traveling is great, but it cannot last forever. 70 and still homeless, sleeping by the fire, heating up beans, and flirting with 18-year-old backpackers every night? Alright, maybe the last bit.