Wednesday, April 5, 2017

What sickness taught me

I’ve been a little under the weather this week. Uhh, little, well on Monday I thought I was dying!
I had a fever and the chills made me dress as if it was -20, and sleep under three doonas.

But I refused to take any chemicals to make myself feel better. It was my flu and it needed to run its course.

Garlic, ginger and lemon tea along with vitamin C and echinacea lozens were my best friends.

On Tuesday I felt so much better. Today I felt mostly great - speaking in a sexy hoarse voice and blowing my nose every now and then. I suspect that tomorrow I’ll be back to my vital self.

You see, if I took panadol or some other medicine for colds, I could have been “addicted” for a week.

Anyway, my illness didn’t teach me that the power of nature always wins over artificial aids - I already knew that.

I did lots of EFT tapping on my pain and emotional feelings. I discovered some buried intentions behind my fatigue, past stress, overwhelm, loneliness and anxiety. It was tied to my ex, yes, but clearly I created such patterns somewhere along the journey, in my childhood perhaps. 

I thought about the ways men used to treat me. I was their “escape” from all the hardwork they were so consumed by. Their life, although seemingly full and "rich", felt like a drag to them. Who created it? They did, no one else. 
In their defense, I attracted those kind of men right into my life. I lured them in, and waited till they became my “entry ticket” to the life I have always dreamed of, yet was unable to create. Thus, they treated me as an escape, and I treated them as an entry ticket. A match? Yes, a match made in hell. I could never get what I wanted!

Now I know that the most essential relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. Then inevitably, the more I love my life, no matter how busy, full or boringly quiet it seems, the more I attract happy people into my life. And we all benefit.

When I'm not waiting for someone to help me become someone, so I could 'unbecome' the one I was so unhappy with (e.g. all my past identities), when I'm not waiting for my entry ticket to come from the outside, I see that it is already here. I am someone - the one I decide to create. I make the choice and work towards it. I can claim it, adopt it, and own it.
Changing identities, becoming who I always wanted to be, wasn't easy. But I don't like easy. I love growing into it and working for it - by the constant effort of focusing on love, faith and gratitude.
Oh yeah, and compassion and NON-JUDGMENT - towards others and myself.
Looks like I found what I was looking for! :)

What escape or entry ticket are you waiting for?

On another note, being a little "powerless" while sick, and showing some vulnerability to God and the Universe, I received tons of miracles this week. 
That has been something mind-blowing.
When I take off my amour and I say (in a sexy hoarse voice) "I can't do this without some help, God. I need this and that, but I see no way..", He f*ing rushes in.

Just ASK.

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