Thursday, January 5, 2017

Wriggling out of the shadow

The more I think about the events that have brought me to this present moment - although it is not the best moment I’ve ever had - the more I appreciate all my experiences without judging them as good or bad. I simply understand that every decision I make always turns out as the right one.

Things are shifting but my mind still struggles behind sometimes. 
I know I need to turn the corner. 

I am called to speak from my soul!

What would I rather be doing than - 
1. spending my free time with someone who doesn’t give a f*** about me?
  • I’d rather be meeting generous men and making money out of my assets
  • Or in the worst case, I'd rather run back to my big-hearted ex
2. getting back with my ex?
  • I’d rather go back to dancing in strip clubs, making fun of the simple lads there, and enjoying being promiscuous.
3. getting back to stripping, staying up all night, talking to idiots and drinking myself sexy?
  • I’d rather be getting financial rewards by having sex with those people. On my own terms, in my own spare time
4. having sex with people for money?
  • I’d rather stay alone and travel to Asia to heal my starving heart
5. traveling, escaping myself and spending my hard earned cash?
  • I’d rather be doing something useful for communities that need it.
  • I'd rather be empowering people to appreciate their jobs as sex workers, educating them about not abusing alcohol, drugs, or negative thinking. I'd love to help them to feel free, worthy and allowed to dream new dreams - at work or outside.
  • I'd rather be fighting for global sex education and female sexual empowerment, so women would learn how to enjoy physical love and separate judgment and self-doubt
  • I'd rather be helping abolishing stigmas about sex business and changing perception about what it really takes to hold this oldest profession and be labeled as a prostitute.
  • I'd rather be connecting and sharing with open-minded people.
  • I'd rather be advocating transparency and authenticity. Everywhere.
  • I'd rather be supporting women in staying in that line of work if they wish; however, making the most of it : be proud of themselves, feel joy, build self-esteem and make wise investments for the future.
I’d rather be doing that than pretending that I have ever been different, or someone "better than that".
Can you see that human connections tend to resemble business transactions more often than not in any type of work and relationships?
Additionally, life appears just as black or white to some, but it isn't so for those who have been through all its colors...
Step out of your shadow and shine your light -
Here you are, people, this is going to be my community project for the Leadership course.

After showing you a glimpse of my naughty side (which you can read about more here), this is what I practice when life gets too much:

In spite of the occasional struggle of my mind, I do feel immense gratitude and joy every day (at least once a day!)
It happens in stillness, in a sort of 'active meditation' where I breathe out the mind-chatter and focus on faith in goodness and wholeness. I also ask for forgiveness for being so self-centered and getting stuck on the details. I then renew my trust in myself, in the Spirit, in miracles and I choose to believe that all is happening according to a plan. 
If all my decisions were always the right ones in the grand scheme of things, and clearly - the Earth is still rotating and I am breathing - they were (!), I have been guided without needing to know the exact mechanics, the bigger plan, or the absolute end result. (oh, I die...)
Thus, there is no need to worry!
Before I die, all that's required while chasing my dreams is just turning up and doing my best!
Be Brave - Be Honest - Be Kind
-> That's my kind of meditation which keeps me sane enough! :)

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