Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The cycle of choices

Inspired by my last night’s conversation with Jane, I discovered how important it is to step beyond the fear of making the wrong choice. I already said that I believed all our choices were the right ones. 
Why is it so?

For choices always bring us towards new places, people and situations requiring additional or new choices to be made - there’s no static choice, it’s part of the cycle of life - how could life ever get this 'wrong'? 

I pick from the possible options out there one at the time. Sure, the decision should be relevant to my goals, needs, or preferences; however, oftentimes this muddles into a big puddle of confusion! 
Lose no hope. Given there is no right or wrong choice to be made, some ACTION is required just the same. If there’s no action, there’s no executing of one’s choice. The action could be anything… If I step beyond the paralyzation by fear of making the wrong choice, I shall see results later!

The most difficult part of any of my casual encounters has got to be the battle between my head and my sex.
They both want different things. My head decides that (logically) meeting someone just for a free intercourse is not in alignment with what I want to create¹ (a spiritual partnership?), but my sex is like “Ehm, what the hell, there is no other choice we want to make, not a celibacy for months again, please!"). 
So, despite my guilt (having disobeyed my logic), I chose to take the action towards sleeping with Adam again.
And then again.
Until the last time when I genuinely laughed at myself post-coitus shower and still wrapped in a towel. I could see how ridiculous the whole thing had been.
Then I lost my appetite.
My sex doesn’t want to see A. anymore, nor anyone atm for that matter.

I confess I got bored with A. Ok, I’m not finding him that boring (a little maybe); nevertheless, the situation we had created felt way too predictable. There was no space for different choices and new actions within. Boring! I am stepping out.
Why my escapist mentality likes frequent new circulation (and how enlivening that is for all people) is here.

I realize it’s all good… no matter how I decide, it will always turn out good - as long as I keep evaluating how it feels!
It goes something like this:
evaluating the situation - picking an option - owning it - acting upon it - evaluating - choosing the same or choosing different - taking an action - evaluating….
We can always make a new choice!

Happy choosing! :)

¹Jane had seen that the very first time we talked about casual sex, and yet she let me to figure it out for myself. That's what friends do!


  1. Thanks Pavlina!
    Every day I choose to read your post and every day I am happy that I have done so.
    Your words are always relevant in so many ways to my life...they bring me a daily smile and a feeling of belonging!


Let me know what you think, what you are getting for yourself out of this post, or what you are not getting...

Note: If you are concerned about my non-native grammar, you can contact me and volunteer to become my editor.