Monday, January 2, 2017

Freedom, Considerations & Integrity

Since I'm no fragile princess in a tower waiting for my prince to come and save me, I chose to escape the city and spend the New Year having fun by the ocean. The company by my side, my photographer friend Tom, was as witty and gentle as always. I am so glad we became good friends. Sometimes the big age difference is all that asks for healthy boundaries, but of course even that doesn’t stop some people from crossing them. However, in our case this connection will always remain at a friendship level. I am not sure how long I’ll stay in Australia, but hopefully we’ll keep hanging out till my stay is over. It was the perfect New Year’s day and night.

Observing Tom some more got me wondering about the meaning of “Feeling Free” in relationships.
I love the quote above.

I interpret “Loving Freely” as giving someone freedom to be who they are, not correcting their ways of walking, talking (unless they're foreigners ;)), thinking or doing things. Giving them the space they need to breathe.

Is it applicable to fidelity as well?
I know that there are happy polyamorous couples out there, and also couples with “open relationships” - not usually indulging in intense affairs with all the perks like falling in love, intimacy, or some kind of support (that’s all under polyamory), but brief sexual encounters with strangers are 'allowed'. That is what some people call Freedom.

I don’t think that’s me though. I don’t need that kind of a freedom when I'm in a loving, supportive relationship.
I have always been faithful in my long-term relationships, and I enjoyed that. So I expected my boyfriends to feel the same way. But life can bring all kinds of things your way. Sometimes you play by your own rules while the other half is playing by theirs. Communication, anyone?

On the other hand, I love the freedom of not having to answer to  anybody! I want to leave and come home whenever I feel like, and I want to live my life in a way that’s meaningful to me. Who doesn’t, right?
Unfortunately, I found two little problems about this. 
Consideration and Integrity.

Tom once mentioned that all models tended to be quite unreliable. Since I had initially cancelled and rescheduled our meeting, I took it personally, and I agreed with him. I had put my freedom on top of my professional duty. But he had never told me directly, nor complained about my ways! 
Yesterday I noticed he was no better regarding his reliability. It could have been his hungover from the Eve before, or his equally as strong love of freedom as I have.

Tom and I live alone, are childless, and have flexible jobs…. Luckily, not the kind of territories for freedom issues. What if somebody wanted to join in soon?
They would go mad!
At some point I did when Tom texted me, while I was already on the train, that he’d pick me up half hour late from the train station. Fortunately, he’s also a man of integrity, and looks after women well. He must have either hurried up, skipped on a breakfast or missed out on walking the dogs, but he was there exactly the minute the train stopped.

People have to feel free when making promises in order to NOT compromise their sense of Freedom. Only then would keeping them feel good, too.

The meaning of “Feeling Free” in relationships does not need to correspond to infidelity or open-mindedness. According to my observation, it may be defined as “The level of selfishness about someone’s preferences for living the life". For those young, wild and free who don't run around naked in bushes but are willing to interact with others in civilization - being considered should be learned and adopted. Have your freedom, have considerations for the freedoms of others, and have some integrity when trying to work it all together.

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