Friday, January 6, 2017

Broken promises

I had few drinks during the festive season and I felt guilty for the most part.

When I agreed with myself that during my Christmas party I would be allowed some red wine, I accepted the fact that it would make me easily drunk. I’m a lightweight. I then enjoyed the evening, knowing the drinking was 'allowed' and it was an exception. I would have enjoyed even the next day; however, downing that Jagger shot from a friend of mine and a glass of champagne set me up for a small hangover and a huge guilt. 

Probably because those drinks were NOT on my itinerary. 
I don’t blame anyone, I blame myself for not allowing more room for my drink choices before the party started!

Guilt over broken promises to oneself feels yucky as the promise, constructed in a specific and restrictive way, doesn't allow for any flexibility. Obviously!

It took me nearly one week to recover from the effects of ethanol, and then I drunk again! I had a good time on New Year and no hangover the next day, but I wasn’t functioning my best for few days afterwards (until yesterday). I received more evidence that alcohol makes me moody!

Broken promise around my abstinence made me susceptible to breaking more promises. Like around my diet (straight on the 25th) or…. not seeing Adam again. He is a nice person, but I didn't want to continue the sex. Despite it feeling great, I thought I had outgrown that style of 'relationships'.
Yet, we met on New Year’s Eve. 
For sex. 
Could the friskiness have been induced by a festive glass of red with my friend over a Skype call (sweet or -ehm- pitiful?)?

In order to restore my integrity, I am giving myself new motivations and goals I’d like to accomplish, at least this month. There are two January events which will need my full brain capacity, and that is a good enough motivation. By the end of the month I’ll certainly have enough evidence - again - that staying tea-total is the best for my mental and physical wellbeing.

Maybe then I’ll celebrate with a sip?
Haha. Let’s not get ahead of myself…

Regarding the other promise…. Adam. mmm, the evil temptation.
Alright, if I get a booty call, I might listen to my body! 
My mind is over-active as we know. (done!)
I don’t sweat about the fact that A. is not as attentive as I deserve anymore. He’s keen to help me with my physical needs while I am practicing taking care of the emotional ones. A labor division. My emotional wellbeing should always be MY business anyway.
Happiness comes within!

This has made me happy too. My client stood outside in the rain today with a bouquet of flowers for me.
What a sweet gesture!
I love receiving flowers just for the feminine sake of it. I really don't know why else.

(I am getting rid of the Christmas 'tree' now...)

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