Monday, January 16, 2017

Born guilty

Despite breaking all promises over the weekend, starting with seeing Adam on Friday, drinking wine on Saturday and finishing with a big time procrastination on Sunday, come Monday and I feel quite alive and back on top. 
Isn't that the only thing we can do when the past is done and over with, or everything else fails?

I do give myself some difficult promises at times though. First of all, not having an awesome no strings attached sex with someone I finally grew comfortable with?* Especially while I'm single, not looking, and keeping myself busy on all fronts? I still have to think about that one! 

Nevertheless, in order to prevent moodiness or procrastination, more than 1-2 glasses of red is not acceptable in my body, even if it's just once a week to wind down (to put a lock on the week behind). I know myself by now. But an upgrade from a drink once a month to once a week? Ah, this looks doable! 

Perhaps now that moderate drinking is allowed, I won't want to drink at all. After all, there's still a rebel inside me willing to explore the forbidden fruits, not the 'recommended allowance'. Careful, careful... Let's not introduce drugs (again)! Haha, surely, I am just messing with you!
I never meant to be a hypocrite. I see many negative effects on long-term, near-daily drinkers, and weekendly binge drinkers - their moods are a headache to me, so why should I go the same direction? Moderation is definitely the key.

Breaking promises makes me feel funny. It sneakily plays in the background of the subconscious mind. It brings on yucky feelings which I try to supress. Luckily, my self-sabotaging ways drastically diminished, so there's not much of a danger of suppressing the funniness with overly dysfunctional behavior. 
What I mean is - perhaps you too are familiar with the ways you deal with your personal failures. It could be the extra glass of alcohol, more of sugary foods or fries, overspending, or just the negative self-talk. Those ways are so common! Now I get mostly the damn unhelpful self-talk.

So, let's get 'better' at making doable and sustainable personal promises tailored to us as individuals. Sometimes we think we should be this way or that way just so we please everybody else. But - please you, you know what's best for you. You're less inclined to break what feels right to you. 
In case you fail yourself (your broken promise doesn't impact others as much as you), make a new - BETTER - promise, and as a result you won't need to feel funny about your broken integrity for too long. 
But you will do for a while. It's human. 
We are taught we are born guilty, aren't we?

I enjoy sex and I love rebelling against restrictions.
It makes me a scandalous, wild, sinful woman. I know, I own it and I deal with it! Beating myself up has just never, never worked.

* It was open-hearted and absolutely not boring or predictable
Like making love to a new man than who I made him out to be!

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