Wednesday, November 2, 2016

We don't talk anymore... Jealousy - Comparing, but staying on track

His last message (mine too) was nearly 2 weeks ago. It's the longest we haven't spoken since I blocked him in May and unblocked in June. How do I feel?

I feel jealous probably. Another woman has got his attention, his sex, his house (at least sometimes), and most likely his heart.

Today I massaged a beautiful South-American woman, and I remembered how I used to compare myself to his South-American ex. Not pretty feelings back then, let alone how unattractive it would have been for him if he only knew how much I worried about it at one point.

I really do admire women, their bodies and I can be very appreciative. Being supposedly quite good-looking myself (yay), it is quite important for me to cultivate allies rather giving others reasons to be envious of whatever they feel they don't have. How do I do it? I don't know, I try to be humble and I love giving compliments as I always find something beautiful about everyone.

Yet I still have this feeling that I am not being as good/pretty/fun as -her- or fill in the blank, and it is killing me! It must bother the ones who think that I am enough. I do see how totally unattractive this comparing is!

As I was reminiscing of the past, it put the song by Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez "We don't talk anymore" into my mind. It got stuck there. And honestly, I feel sad!

I feel like I miss him again. Maybe I just miss being the girl who was at one time better than the others??? Aaaargh

On another note, I have made the biggest progress in these past 2 weeks. I felt energized, good about myself, very positive about my future, and I observed more and more good-looking men on the streets (Ha, there are some in Brisbane after all!). I did not think about him too much.

I don't know what to do, but it won't be drinking a glass of wine: I've outgrown this "remedy". It would not bring him back and I would lose track of where I'm heading (into a new day filled with love, light, possibilities and hope).

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