Thursday, November 17, 2016

To question what is real is gold!

I used to think that questioning myself and the world as I saw it was a bad thing. However, not so long ago when I realized that my brain couldn't be trusted, I began to appreciate how incredibly pliable our human experiences were. 
I admit, many of my memories are distorted. I can either have a great experience, and later I come out of it thinking it was rather average, or I have a bellow average experience (pretty bad), then I come out of it thinking it must have been kind of awesome. I am not kidding! For example, I hated the first part of a group session I participated in (In fact, I really dislike most group things), and then a week later when I finally 'got it' I thought to myself What a fuckin' profound lesson that was! What a brilliant session! (class, name it)
Furthermore, one day I think I am so in love, and this man is truly amazing and special - but the next day I forget to put those rosy spectacles on and - I am seeing how delusional I have been. 
Yes, yes I tend to only see and hear what I want (or expect) to see and hear.

Tonight, during a yoga class I observed a painful sensation in my right ankle. I was trying to remember what I did to it, and when exactly it became so tender, but I couldn't figure it out. (I sprained it 15 years ago, but it has been sufficiently serving ever since) So, during a particularly uncomfortable child pose (sitting on my heels) I was wrinkling my brows in pain and thinking Child pose should be your safe, relax, recharge pose - wtf? 
As I got mildly frustrated, I also allowed to welcome the idea that my pain must not be real - child pose should be the easiest pose in yoga! Right. 
I angrily told myself that I must have been feeling the past injury (never-mind if 15 years ago or 1 week ago) and I gave myself a command to stay present and feel the supposed relaxing effects of the child pose NOW.
The pain disappeared. It was GONE. For the rest of the class I had not even known about my ankle. The focus was of it, there was no discomfort, no pain, so I could do what I was told.
Let this linger for a moment... there is some awesome lesson in this!
Like - the feelings you have for someone don't necessarily need to be real NOW, but they might have been some hundred years ago. (I know, I have a little faith in you lot getting my metaphors! ;))

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