Wednesday, November 30, 2016

I am back ON!

I was off. 
After blocking him on Sunday night, determinded to not having to put up with his friendly, yet torturing messages or calls again*, I spent Monday and Tuesday in a haze. If you still love the person, and cannot give up the hopes that some day... (some day, they will change, we get back together, and everything will be better), then keeping in touch - 
IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. He/She will feed your hopes with the right phrases at times, meanwhile they may also turn around and say the sweet words to someone else (to whomever has replaced you). But of course, if you hold no hopes for once getting back together, go for it. Take your conversations lightheartedly, and have fun! 
I recognized the familiar symptoms of depression creeping in (probably started on Friday). I didn't want to get out of the bed, I couldn't smile, I was a robot at work, I felt so worn down, and the heaviness on my chest just wouldn't let go. Heavy, yet so empty, a deep hole inside. 
I though I probably missed him already!
I am so glad I went out 'into the wild' yesterday evening, not knowing where my steps would take me, and to WHOM.
I met this professor, who's warm heart and interest in me, totally opened my eyes to how much I am blessed. I looked at the lit up Story Bridge, and I knew I was at the right place. It doesn't matter that I am not a city girl, it doesn't matter that He had what I wanted, and lived in a countryside. I can find my peace wherever I am, whatever I am doing, whomever I am with, and whatever I am having at the moment.
I am looking for sustainable ways to achieve this internal peace. 
What if one day I found myself on a deserted island (unlikely, but what if:)) with no entertainment, no wine, no other drugs, and no people to have sex with to bring about a happier state of consciousness ? I'd have to rely on my natural abilities to make myself feel better.
That brings me to the urgency of having to create a page where I'll share what has worked for me throughout the past years. How I got off the meds about 3, 4 years ago, changed my diet and lifestyle soon after, and how now, 90 % of the time, I thrive.
You can read my recommendations here.


"......
Please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart


..........


And even though you got good intentions
I need you to set me free
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart

........"



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